Sunday, October 12, 2008

Sixteen Things About The Bengals (Hardcore And Whatnot)

I get emails every day from readers asking me when (or if) I'm going to start writing more about the Bengals, and I just scratch my head. Why would anyone want to read about that crap? For those who don't know, I got my blogging start two years ago writing a weekly Bengals column for Which better explains the requests for Bengals material. The core of my audience - the group who's been with me the longest - discovered me when I wrote only about the Bengals, and I think they miss the old me. And I'm sorry, but I gots to be selfish here...time is limited, and I can't waste time breaking down Leon Hall's coverage technique, or whatever (plus, I'm sure Alan Cutler wlll be all over that!). It's borderline depressing, and I'm already depressed enough. Come to think of it, part of the reason I'm depressed is the goddamn Bengals!

Anyway, here's my analysis through six weeks:

1. Ryan Fitzpatrick is terrible.

2. Chris Perry is terrible.

3. Chinedum Ndukwe is pretty good.

4. Life on Mars is a promising television program.

5. Smashing Pumpkins might not have a better song than Mayonaise.

6. Although Thirty-Three certainly has the right to exist without being the butt of jokes.

7. Allow me to clear something up, as I don't want to offend William Corgan: In no way am I considering Muzzle to be chopped liver!

8. I'm on a bit of a Pumpkins kick, obviously.

9. Nobody says "chopped liver" anymore, which is a good thing.

10. It's mid-October and the
Brian Vickers System has only produced one losing week. One!

11. My arm itches (I have an itchy arm).

12. I recently scratched the itch for 65 glorious seconds.

13. Live from the Blasphemy Department: Larry Fitzgerald might be as good as late-90's Randy Moss on jumpballs.

14. Phil Simms redefines "bland" as a color commentator, but fires opinions left and right on the suddenly watchable Inside the NFL.

15. Shane Victorino is the Hawaiin Ryan Freel. Well, maybe not, but I'd really appreciate if someone could pass along the following piece of information to the Phillies' annoying center fielder: Some low-rent blogger in Southwest Ohio just compared you to Ryan Freel.

16. Ryan Fitzpatrick is terrible.

End of words.

-Brad Spieser (