Friday, February 29, 2008

Shaun Rogers Deal Falling Through? Say it Ain't So

Just as I was about to somehow compare the Shaun Rogers trade to the Juan Guzman trade, this happens.

Dear Lord,

Please let Shaun Rogers play for the Bengals in 2008 (and beyond). Seriously, make this happen. I'll even start going to church and stuff.

(Update: I don't know what is, but they say the league disallowed the deal involving the Bengals and now Rogers is headed to Cleveland. I hate myself for admitting this, but I'll have trouble sleeping tonight. Thanks, Lord. Jerk.)

-Brad Spieser (

Thursday, February 28, 2008

I'm Sure You'll Make a Fine Special Teamer!

From Mark Curnutte in Thursday's Enquirer:

"The Bengals appear to be lukewarm toward (Landon) Johnson, whom they consider more of a backup than a starter, though he has led the defense in tackles in three of the four seasons and played in every game since he was drafted in the third round in 2004 from Purdue."

Thank God.

This reminded me of a thread I started at the Message Board more than a month before the '07 season kicked off. The reason for starting the thread was to get people to listen to one of my original podcasts, "Weiners-Odell-Griffey." While I can admit to that podcast being unlistenable, I did make a few strong points about Landon Johnson, and just how overrated he was. I was sick of everyone speaking so highly of Johnson. There were two reasons for the love affair with him, whether people wanted to admit it or not:

1. People only looked at the statistics. So what if he threw up 100 tackles during most years--was he ever a game-changer? Tackles in football can be like batting average in baseball (i.e., not unimportant, just overrated as the main barometer of effectiveness)

2. He was a good guy. So he was a frequent guest with Lance what? Does that mean he wasn't just an average football player? Johnson won over the beat writers, as well. How many times did we have to hear Geoff Hobson go on local radio and sing the praises of Landon Jonson? Too many, right? But why...because Johnson was always willing to talk to the media, even after an embarrassing loss? Gimme a break, the guy was, is and will always be an ordinary football player.

Which brings me back to the message board post I mentioned earlier.

Let me first explain something before you just dive right in (even though I think the paragraph below sets it up nicely): I posted the link to TwinKilling, went away, and let the comments fly. As I was about to reply to a few of them I had to take off for Columbus. When I finally had a minute to share my thoughts, my original post had been commented upon by a whole bunch of people, most of them I disagreed with. So, I made one final post that addressed the strongest viewpoints since my original post. The reason I'm telling you this is so you don't think it's a natural, flowing conversation. Did I just confuse you even more? Anyway...

Without further ado, here's my unedited statement to the Message Board, from August of '07:


I never said Landon Johnson was a bad player, nor did I say everyone else considers him a great player; I merely said he's overrrated. Overrrated only means he's not as good as he's generally regarded, and from where I'm sitting Landon Johnson receives too much credit simply because he pumps out 100 tackle seasons. Am I nuts, or have I heard Marvin Lewis state how overrated the statistic of "tackles" is? Now, clearly, it's not an empty statistic, but it can be misunderstood. For instance, consider the Bengals' shaky defense, and how many extra plays they've afforded the opponent over the last few many more opportunities did Landon have to pick up extra tackles?Anyway, time to chime in on the relevant comments that were made since my initial post...

From shulasteakhouse: " IF the Bengals' go to the Sb this year, I reckon he very well could be this year's Lance Briggs."

My response: That was a joke, right? Hilarious stuff, man!

shulasteakhouse: "We should be praising players like LJ more often, and wanting more of his character, versus whining over the bum that is Odell non-stop because he does karate chops and has an amazing vertical jump, and "got screwed" for two criminal incidents and the inability to pass an NFL drug test consistently."

Me: It's beyond important to have high character guys on the team, but it's unrealistic to think ANY team has 53 "good guys" on the roster. Plus, you rip Odell, but let me axx you this: What would your reaction be towards Employee No. 51 if the Bengals won the 2005 Super Bowl, knowing full well that they wouldn't have had a chance without Thurman wreaking havoc? That's what I thought. Stop lying to yourself.

shulasteakhouse: "I'll take LJ over Odell any day - because Odell looked like crap last preseason and made as many dumb mistakes his rookie year, as he made plays."

Me: Odell looked like crap because he wasn't physically (and probably mentally) ready to play in games. And saying that he made as many mistakes as big plays,well, I don't like name-calling, but that's just a stupid thing to say. First, can you prove such an idiotic claim? Didn't think so. Second, let me ask you, why do you think turnovers were way down last season? Part of the answer is obvious: Odell wasn't out on the field, flying around and disrupting the other team. Odell is a difference maker.

booboo2280: "I have said it before and I will say it again. Just because you were the most consitant turd in the litter box doesn't mean you are anything more then a Turd. Landon is not going to be lance Briggs even if the Bengals make the superbowl. Landon is consistantly average."

Me: Thank you. Now let's make-out (or whatever)

fredtoast: "As for Landon being overrated I don't see how that is possible when he has never started a season as a starter."

Me: fredtoast, everyone in life is rated somehow, whether it's me at work, you as a parent, or Green Day's last album. So everyone can be judged to see if they are fairly rated, or over/underrated. At least that's what I think. Here's an example: I think Anna Kournikova is the most underrated athlete of all time, while I think Peyton Manning is overrated. Now obviously I am not saying that Kournikova is anywhere near Manning's greatness, but I am saying that neither is fairly rated. Landon Johnson, at least on talk radio and on message boards, is wildly overrated.

fredtoast: "Still he made a huge play in the last Steeler game when he stripped Parker of the ball at our one yard line."

Me: I forgot all about that play, or at least that Landon stripped Parker. Besides that, can anyone tell me one game-altering play he's made since his arrival in 2004?

doitagain: "I can't help but recall the '71 Dolphins with the so called "no name defense". They went 17-0 that season, on their way to winning the SB, without losing a single regular season game that year. It's true that Nick Buoniconti was eventually inducted into the HOF, but for the most part that defensive team was known for their great teamwork, as opposed to their being chock full of superstars, which they weren't."

Me: How many different ways can one say "You're wrong?" In this case, we have several. Get out your calculators, boys and girls...

1. It was the '72 Dolphins, not '71. Compared to your other crap, this is not a big deal.

2. But Buoniconti DID make the H.O.F., how can you sidestep that? He was an elite player player in his prime, and he'd been to six Pro Bowls before that season! Going to the Hall of Fame is a really big deal, you know? The Bengals franchise is forty years old and haven't sent a single defensive player to Canton. Something to consider, guy.

3. If memory serves, the nickname of "No Name Defense" was something that took on a life of it's own, and something that probably wouldn't exist today, considering the statistical research that is readily available to schmucks like us. I mean, Buoniconti, DB Dick Anderson, DL Bill Stanfill and DB Jake Scott combined for 21 Pro Bowls in their careers. And except for Anderson, all four of them went to Pro Bowls before 1972 (i.e., they were already established stars, and not unknown also-rans.). I win.

doitagain: "Bottom line, if i'm attempting to put together a winning team, i would select 22 L. Johnson type players (no-nonsense, get the job done athletes) over 22 O. Thurman type players (physically, very gifted athletes), 8 days a week."

Me: I don't even know why I argue with people like you. I'm not kidding, this comment enraged me. Well, it enraged me until I realized that you aren't the only bozo that believes crap like this. Listen, if 22 Landon Johnsons were to play against 22 Odell Thurmans the score would be something like...wait, hold on...I need to feed the computer machine the necessary details (height, weight, talent, etc.) to project an accurate score...wait, here goes...the computer machine predicted a score of Odell 381, Landon 0, which easily surpassed Georgia Tech's 222-0 thumping of Cumberland. Look, holmes, talent wins, plain and simple. And I understand you can't have a full roster of Henrys and Odells, and that you need a large number of high character dudes, but I'll say this: I'd rather have the talented scumbags than 53 Landon Johnsons, and I think every head coach would agree with me; after all, a few 6-10 seasons means they are out of a job, and Landon Johnson is a 6-10-type player. Also, there are 7 days in a week. Dope.

Section313: "Yes, Odell made some big plays when he was here, but he also drove me nuts with some of his boneheaded moves."

Me: His "Holy Shit" plays far outweighed his boneheaded plays. Which is why he was worth the on-field headaches. Plus, don't you think he would cut down on his bonehead plays in years two and three? It's a moot point, obviously, but I gotta believe he would have made great strides in that department.

That is all for now.

-Brad Spieser (

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Will Johnny Cueto Break Down?

Baseball America's John Manuel chatted on Wednesday afternoon. I found his response to a Johnny Cueto question concerning...

Ben (Centerville, OH): Johnny Cueto has looked fantastic this spring for the Reds, what pitches does he have and how do they rate?

John Manuel: Cueto should look good, he threw 30 or so winter innings and should be more ready to go than most. I like him a lot, he's got some pitchability and two plus pitches, as well as a decent changeup. I'm a little concerned about workload--our Ben Badler did a piece on that for our last issue of the magazine, should be online soon, that details that the 5-foot-10, 190-pounder threw as many or more innings than any minor leaguer last year, winter included. We'll see how it affects him this year but hopefully the Reds will be careful with him.

My take: Why in the hell is Cueto, a little guy, shouldering a bigger workload than any other minor league pitcher? How many cautionary tales do we have to see before a lesson is learned? Christ, the Reds have great young arms...let's not waste them in winter ball.

Speaking of young talent, Baseball America just released their annual Top 100 prospect list. You might recognize the guy holding down the No. 1 spot, two spots ahead of Yankees' stud closer Joba Chamberlain.

I can safely say I haven't been this excited about the Reds in February since 2000, when Griffey arrived.

-Brad Spieser (

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Really? Josh Hamilton is Great? I Had No Idea

From Jerry Crasnick's article about Rangers' OF Josh Hamilton:

"I've never seen anyone as gifted as him," Texas second baseman Ian Kinsler says.

"We haven't had any shortage of offensive monsters since I've been here," says Michael Young, ticking off the names of Alex Rodriguez, Alfonso Soriano, Carlos Lee and Juan Gonzalez, among others. "But I think they might all take a backseat to this guy in batting practice. When you're hitting balls to the opposite field off the top of the clubhouse, it's just silly."

Edinson Volquez had better be Pedro Martinez + Greg Maddux + Henry Rowengartner or I'm cracking skulls.

I'm depressed.

-Brad Spieser (

Norm MacDonald is Funnier Than Me

Most stand-up comics are not funny people. Norm MacDonald is an exception.

In April of 2007 Michael Kaplan of Bluff Magazine followed Norm to Vegas for a destructive weekend. Overall it's a solid read, with the funniest stuff coming at the beginning. The weekend kicked off with a stand-up performance, and it was there that Norm dropped this R-rated beauty on the audience:

"People with small cocks always say, 'It's not how big it is, it's what you do with it;' like the guys with big cocks have no clue. They're like, 'What do you do with it again? Put it in and then take it out? This is just too confusing. If only it were smaller and easier to maneuver.'"

-Brad Spieser (

Paper-Rock-Scissors Should be an Olympic Event

Being that I just completed a paper-rock-scissors tourney down at the valet (I was ousted in the semifinals), I thought it would be appropriate to post one of the ten best pieces of literature ever written about the sport.

Chuck Klosterman--Esquire Magazine, May 2007

How to Win at Rock-Paper-Scissors

"This is a con I read about twenty-five years ago in Chuck Wielgus and Alexander Wolff's The In-Your-Face Basketball Book, but it continues to work with unprecedented success: The next time you have to settle a minor dispute, challenge your adversary to a game of rock-paper-scissors. Count to three and pick whatever option you want, but make sure your throw is extremely (and obviously) late. Your opponent will accuse you of cheating, and you will say, "Sorry, my fault. Let's do it again." Make note of whatever choice your opponent made; in all likelihood, he will attempt the same throw again. When faced with this situation, players inevitably try to use reverse psychology. They will almost always replicate their previous throw, based on the assumption that you will be expecting something different. But you are not. Victory is yours."

-Brad Spieser (

Monday, February 25, 2008

I'd Be Pissed if I Were Napolean McCallum

Joe Theisman, Tim Krumrie, blah, blah, blah...

Nobody ever talks about Napolean McCallum's injury...why is that? It's only the worst thing that's ever been shown on television. (Note: This includes any appearance by Skip Bayless on Cold Pizza and season two of Designing Women)

Anyway, this video hasn't been viewed on YouTube nearly as much as it deserves. Perhaps this will help.

Almost forgot...I posted a new podcast (leftover crap 2). Give her a listen if you want to hear, among other things, why the story of We Are Marshall was greatly overrated.

-Brad Spieser (

Sunday, February 24, 2008

There's Nothing Quite Like the YouTube Odyssey

YouTube is never about the desired find; it's about the journey it takes you on after said find. Sure, I'll always be happy when I locate a video of Nick Van Exel saving the Lakers' season in Game 5 of the 1995 Western Conference Semis at San Antonio, but...what comes next is where the fun truly begins.

God bless the Related Videos box.

Being that it's Oscar week, or perhaps more accurately, Oscar night, ABC is going out of their way to promote the thing. Being that I can't find the remote (read: still hungover), I'm forced to watch the show that came on after the Suns-Pistons Ass-rape. It had something to do with sports movies.

(Update: It's going on 8:00 pm and I still haven't found the remote. I'm now watching Babara Walters on a snowmobile with Harrison Ford!)

At some point during the sports movies show, Any Given Sunday was referenced, which reminded me that I've never seen Al Pacino's (supposedly) wonderful pre-game speech. Really, I can't tell you how many times I've had somebody tell me how great Al Pacino was in that particular scene. But anyway, since I had my computator nearby, I decided that this would be my opportunity to witness history...this would be the moment where Al Pacino made me forget about Norman Dale.

Eh...not so much.

Am I missing something here? What's so great about that speech? Should I have been inspired? And why would anyone ever watch a movie where LL Cool J dons sunglasses in the locker room? Could anything be more obnoxious?

Questions, man. Questions.

But, as previously stated, YouTube is all about the related videos, and the journey they take you on.

For instance, among the twenty or so related videos to the Pacino video was one titled "The Best Speech Ever Written." It appeared to be some nerd speaking at a high school graduation. I clicked, I was bored, I moved on. This is because I found a handful of videos claiming to be the "Best/Worst Best Man Speech Ever." I watched a few of these to see how my best man speech (from my brother's wedding) stacked up against the so-called "Best Ever." All bias aside (or maybe not), I thought mine was better. But who cares, right?

This is where the fun picked up...

After scrolling down the Related Video box I saw something that caught my eye: a video titled "Wedding Fight!!" Somehow I had never thought to search wedding fights on YouTube. This is because I'm a stupid person. I will never make that mistake again.

Here's the aforementioned "Wedding Fight!!" video. Pay attention to the :09 mark when the mustached kook throws a three-punch combo at his dancing partner.

My journey continued. I wanted to see more wedding fight videos, but that was up to the Related Videos box.

Up next: Probably the most intriguing title that's ever been given to anything. Ladies and gents, I present to you...


(Note: The Shawshank Redemption would still be No. 1 at the box office had it been titled LOTS OF BLACK GIRLS FIGHTING. That's a fact)

It was at this time I called Craig, who's working some bullshit construction job in Vermont at the moment. Our two minutes of dialogue may have changed the pop culture landscape forever.

I mentioned what I had discovered, and how taking a YouTube odyssey is about as much fun as a human can have, and his response was accurate: "It doesn't matter what you search,
Kenny George videos or whatever, you will always end up seeing girls in panties." After applauding his brilliance, a light bulb flicked on.

"This could be like that game Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon," I told him. "Only this time the object of the game will be to see who can arrive at a 'girls in panties' video first. Like you could start with a 'trampoline injury' search and everybody could see who could find underwear in the fewest amount of moves."

This has potential, people. In fact, I'm going to be the first to play the game. Starting now.

I didn't know if the next video was going to lead me to girls in panties, but it had two things going for it: (1.) It was titled "Wild Black Girl Fight," and (2.) it was titled "Wild Black Girl Fight." I mean, seriously, how in the hell does one not click on such a thing?

As it turns out, the video wasn't so good, but it did lead me to another gem, at least in terms of title: "throw them hands up bitch."

(Note: This is only a so-so video, but it's better than nothing)

(The girl in pink has a lot of heart, don't she?)

Wait, I might be on to something. The Related Videos box reveals something titled "Black girls gone wild pt. 5," and it appears to be a couple of young women rolling around on the beach in, yep, you guessed it, swimsuits. And we all know swimsuits are the first cousin to underpants. Hooray for me! Hooray for my awesome new game! Let's check it out:

Okay, so the video sucked but it brought me one step closer to my goal. I had plenty of options but settled on "GiRL FiGHT," based on the tiny picture of scantily clad females running on the beach. The video sucked. I wasn't deterred.


Okay, I quit. It's not because I couldn't find girls in their underthings, it's because I need a bath after what I just witnessed. Without going into detail let me just say that if I ever have a daughter I'm jumping off the roof on her eleventh birthday.

That said, I'll give name recognition to the first person who can find girls in their panties after searching for "trampoline injuries."

I hope this was fun for you. Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Lohan Naked. Still Big News?

Five years ago this would have been bigger than 9-11 and Katrina combined. Now, Lindsay Lohan takes off her shirt for New York Magazine and it's barely a blip on the radar. I mean, this happened six days ago and I just heard about it six minutes ago (hence the post-9-beers Saturday night post). How is that possible? Anyway, here's a censored picture (pic) of Ms. Lohan. The rest of the uncensored batch can be found at Egotastic.


-Brad Spieser (

Friday, February 22, 2008

Be Patient

I've spent the last 22 hours either (a.) driving or (b.) sleeping. I'm headed to Columbus right now and when I return I'll post my thoughts on the Reds signing of Josh Fogg. Needless to say I think it was a dumb decision by the Reds' brass. I will have my opinion posted Friday afternoon. Not one person on talk radio has said what I'll write later today.


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Typical Knicks

(Update: New podcast posted. It's a bunch of leftover crap from our previous recording session. The theme is music, and we focus on the beauty of Jon Bon Jovi, the lameness of Soul Asylum and everything in between. Go listen.)

Anyone who has watched Zach Randolph play basketball knows he is a punk. Anyone who watched Nate Robinson during the Knicks-Nuggets fight last season knows Robinson isn't afraid to take on big guys. I wish this would have turned into a riot.

Call me crazy but my money would go on Robinson in a one-on-one street brawl against Randolph.

-Brad Spieser (

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I Really Like City Slickers. I Hate Myself.

I often hate myself for liking City Slickers, but what can you do? I feel like I should be making fun of someone for liking it. Really, I know it's gay. And I know it's about three 40-year-olds going through mid-life crises, which makes it a movie directed at everyone but me, but I can't help it...I like City Slickers! And while my emotions never get moved to tears, I have to say the film touched me (whatever that means).

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'm officially a gay guy for liking City Slickers, although I don't really care what you have to say about it (except I kind of do).

Example of a gay scene that was really well done:

To take things to a different level--and I've admitted it before--the gayest movie that makes me cry is Father of the Bride (the Steve Martin version). Somehow, some genius from another country posted the absolute best scene from Father of the Bride. It also happens to be the scene that turns me into a little girl with a scraped knee.

(Note: My goal of this post was to use the expression "tugs at my heartstrings." I had plenty of opportunities, too, but opted against it to maintain my rep.)

Have any thoughts about the softness of this post? Email me.

-Brad Spieser (

Monday, February 18, 2008

Andy Pettitte Says Confusing Words

Yankees Pitcher Andy Pettitte adressed reporters Monday in Tampa, Fla., site of the Yankees Spring Training complex.

On the issue of why he used HGH:

"I didn't do it to try to get an edge on anyone. I didn't do it to try to get stronger or faster or throw harder. I did it because I was told that it might be able to help me."

Am I missing something here? In the same breath Pettitte claims he didn't use HGH to throw harder, he says he did it because it might be able to help him.

Well, what's the difference?

Gots Thoughts's? Email me.

(Site update: A new podcast [sight seeing is stupid] has been posted. If you decide to listen you can hear about all the tourist attractions I didn't see while I was in DC)

-Brad Spieser (

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Dwight Howard Good. Kenny Smith GREAT!

People will be talking about Dwight Howard's performance in the 2008 NBA Dunk Contest long after I pass. And rightfully so. Me? Every time I think about that night I'll think about how I witnessed history...and it had nothing to do with a Superman cape.

Do you realize that TNT just put on the best broadcast of a live sporting event in my lifetime? It's true. They threw a perfect game for six hours Saturday night, and I watched every second of it with a giant smile on my face.

The broadcast kicked off with a two-hour special of Inside the NBA, hands-down the best studio show in sports television history. It was its usual fantastic self, even though Magic Johnson was prominently involved. Whatever.

Up next was Airborne, a special about the greatest dunk contests of all time. As expected, TNT knocked that one out of the park, as well. The back story behind Spud Webb's winning of the 1986 contest in his hometown of Dallas left me with the chicken skin. (Can you believe that Dominique Wilkins--his own teammate, and the guy Webb ultimately beat in the final--had never seen the little guy dunk the way he did in the contest? Spud was so focused on learning the game and bettering himself as a player that he never put on post-practice dunking exhibitions. Mike Fratello, Webb's long-time coach, said he never saw him dunk during practice. How is that even possible?)

Three hours in and TNT was as great as I've come to expect.

Somehow, they took things to new heights with their coverage of the Skills Competition. And the reason is Kenny Smith, quite obviously the most underrated analyst on Earth.

I can see why casual viewers of Inside see it as "The Charles Barkley Show." Really, I can. It's defensible on every level, because Barkley is the unquestioned star of the show, and worth every nickel they pay him.

And as much as people used to sleep on the show's host, Ernie Johnson, that simply isn't the case anymore. The guy is an Emmy winner, you know? Plus, he's been called "underrated" so many times that now everyone knows how important he is to the show. For my money, he's the best traffic cop who ever hosted a studio show. As great as James Brown was in the Terry/Howie/Collinsworth days of Fox NFL Sunday I still rate him No. 2 behind Johnson.

Which brings me back to Kenny Smith, and his underratedness (which is a made-up word I could see Smith using to describe Ime Udoka). A few weeks back, Smith was ill and couldn't make it to the show. When Ernie Johnson opened Inside by letting the viewers know about Smith's absence I found myself thinking "you know what, it's no big deal...they still have EJ and Charles." I couldn't have been more wrong. It's the only time I've ever turned off Inside (one of only three shows I TiVo) before it was over. Admittedly, Magic's presence sealed the deal, but the main problem was Kenny Smith's absence. His willingness to get out of the way when Barkley's on a roll shows how ego-free he truly is. And his ability to pile on when Barkley's making an ass of himself points to Smith's comedic timing and complete understanding of the show.

I searched long and hard (about six minutes) to find the perfect video of Smith's reactions during the dunk contest. Whoever made the following video must have known exactly what I was looking for. Please watch and listen to Smith's comments, especially those at the 1:30 mark (about being as happy as one of the kids in attendance), the 2:02 mark ("He blew it out, Chuck!"), his giddy laugh beginning at the 4:00 minute mark followed by his reaction to the Superman dunk and I would also recommend his reaction to Howard's third dunk at the 5:40 mark ("I'm leaving the building! I quit my job! I've never seen anything like that in my life!") Again, please watch. Comments to follow.

Does Kenny Smith remind you of a professional broadcaster or a fan with unadulterated passion for the sport? Is it even possible to listen to Smith's infectious laugh and not get caught up in the moment? And remember, this guy was a star at North Carolina, a two-time NBA champion in Houston and someone who played in the NBA as recently as 1997...he's not supposed to be that excited over a handful of spectacular dunks, and yet he is.

I ask great as Howard's dunks were, would the viewing experience have been anywhere near as enjoyable without the underrated Kenny Smith?

That's what I thought.

-Brad Spieser (

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

My Take on the Latest Chris Berman Video

Watch this before YouTube takes it down. It's a video that is endlessly funny, although I'm not sure why. Everything about this video seems entirely normal and yet I still find it to be hilarious.

I think this video is supposed to show me why Berman is a scumbag. Or perhaps it supposed to make me think he's a raging pillhead. To me, the video just makes Berman seem human. More human than ever before, actually. So the guy took some Canadian aspirin (which sounds delicious, by the way), but that doesn't make him a bad guy. Maybe a slightly illegal guy, but no big whoop.

(Also, a new podcast has been posted. It's titled "i hate nascar and i want kurt busch to die." I never really got to make my point because Craig asked me about the only black driver we could remember. This fun twist happened a little after the 2-minute mark. It's hands down the hardest either of us had ever laughed during a podcasting session. Give her a listen.)

-Brad Spieser (

Is Roger Clemens a Gay Guy?

Here's a line from Brian McNamee's statement before the United States House of Representatives Committee on Oversight and Government:

"I was never promised any special treatment or consideration for fingering star players."

I don't want to say that's gross, because that would make me homophobic. Let's just say that I didn't think Roger Clemens was into that sort of thing.

-Brad Spieser (

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Mediocre Football Q & A: Part Deux

Scroll down to read part one of my riveting discussion with Wess of Sons of the Tundra.

Here's part deux, which is the exact same as part one, except that it's not. This edition sees a role reversal, with Wess asking the questions and me answering them. Enjoy...

Wess: What went wrong with Carson Palmer in '07, and will he ever return to the heights of '05?

Brad: It would be easy to say that Palmer's problems in '07 can be directly attributed to poor line play (stud OTs Levi Jones and Willie Anderson missed a good part of the season and when they actually played they hardly resembled their once-dominant selves. Plus, Eric Steinbach left for Cleveland in free agency, where he made the Pro Bowl, and the Bengals never found an adequate replacement.)

It would also be easy to say that Palmer only had two guys to throw the ball to, TJ Houshmandzadeh and Chad Johnson. Between the Chris Henry suspension and the myriad of injuries to seemingly everybody else, Palmer was often forced to throw the ball to Glenn freaking Holt in critical situations.

I could also point to the anemic running game. Rudi Johnson is done. The guy was never a speed demon to begin with and what burst he had is now gone. You can tell me all you want about his groin/hamstring problems and I can tell you I felt this way before the '07 season. I sincerely hope he never lines up behind Carson Palmer ever again.

As far as Kenny Watson goes...golly gee, fella, thanks for trying win the Participation Award! Okay, maybe Watson has a right to exist and make a living playing American football, but not as a feature back. I repeat, not as a feature back. In fact, I will stab anybody who thinks he deserves a chance. That list includes Marvin Lewis. Look, the guy's not fast enough to take one the distance and he's certainly not powerful enough to handle 18-20 carries a game. The last word I would ever use to describe Kenny Watson is "dynamic." In fact, I said far meaner things about him after his 130 yard, 3 TD performance in week 7 against the Jets. That pissed off a lot of blind Bengals fans.

Anyway, back to the Palmer question (as I see the next question surrounds the Bengals' running game)...

I've created plenty of excuses for Palmer's below average play in 2007. And believe me, I've used all of these excuses in bar room arguments. This is mostly because they aren't untrue (nobody can really say that the injuries to Willie Andedrson and Levi Jones didn't affect Palmer's play). But, it's a fairly ridiculous argument on my behalf to bring up Chad Johnson and TJ Houshmandzadeh as the Bengals' only healthy WRs, as if I should feel sorry for Palmer getting to throw to two Pro Bowlers in their prime. I'm quite sure that most teams (Dolphins, Titans, Jags, Ravens, etc.) would die to have that be a problem .

Now, to actually answer your question: Do I see him returning to the heights of '05?

No, I don't. Then again, Eli Manning just won a Super Bowl so I'm not willing to discard Palmer entirely. Who knows? I still find Palmer to be a really good QB, and one who will lead the Bengals to the playoffs four or five times before it's all said and done, but he just looks like a different guy to me. I've never seen a guy who is supposed to be a superstar in the middle of his prime just carelessly heave the ball into coverage the way Palmer did in countless situations in '07. You can tell me he was just trying to make a play and I can tell you he was playing dumb football. I just hope this smart guy was wrong when he said "I'm starting to think Palmer is on the fast track to become Drew Bledsoe, and not John Elway."

Okay, I promise I won't be as longwinded for any of the other questions...

Wess: Gimme a full report on the state of the RB position for the Cincinnati Bengals. Is Rudi done? Will he bounce back? Should Kenny Watson be given a shot? Will Kenny Irons be healthy enough and/or good enough to take a share of the job by the end of next season? Will Chris Perry ever be heard from again in a Bengals uniform? Will the Bengals sign a free agent RB? If so, are we looking more Melwelde Moore type or Michael Turner type? Will the Bengals waste another early round pick on a RB?

Brad: Jesus, I said I wouldn't be so longwinded and you go ahead and ask for a full report.

I gave my take on Rudi Johnson and Kenny Watson in my previous answer, so that's covered. Thank God. As for Irons, it's tough to say how healthy he'll be. It's true that RBs are never the same the year after an ACL tear, but it's not as true as it once was (Jamal Lewis in '02 and Deuce McAllister in '06 come to mind). Plus, Irons injured his knee in the first preseason game, which is a whole lot different than doing the same thing in week 4 of the regular season. It was quite clear last year in camp that Irons was the best back on the team, which made his injury all the more difficult to swallow. Again, who knows how he's recovering, but he has to be the odds on favorite to be the feature back come October.

Perry. This guy was such a weapon in 2005 that I openly rooted for an injury to Rudi Johnson just so Perry would be the every-down guy. Think about it: Perry would have carried the ball 12-14 times per game (at most) and caught another 7 or 8. Plus, the Bengals could have gone no-huddle and destroyed the league with matchup problems everywhere (remember how unstoppable Chris Henry was in '05? And '06?) Damn that woulda been fun to watch.

But I digress...

I'd say it's officially now or never for Chris Perry. The Bengals had the opportunity to bring him back for the last few games of '07 but decided instead to shelve him for what was turning out to be a lost season. Good idea, Coach Lewis. The first you've had in quite awhile, actually. It's no guarantee that Perry will ever contribute again, but we should find out Day One of mini camp.

Signing Michael Turner? No way. We're talking about the Brown family here. Mewelde Moore? What's the point? Why not just do it the way the Jags do? That is, draft RBs when you really don't need them. For every LaBrandon Toefield and Alvin Pearman you might get yourself a Maurice Jones-Drew or Greg Jones (pre-injury). I see the Bengals drafting a RB between rounds 3 and 5. Stay tuned.

Wess: Re: the Chad Johnson saga. We have an advantage over most dynasty leaguers around the country because we know that Mike Brown is a stubborn jackass. If he says Chad Johnson won't be traded, you can take it to the bank. Who would you rather have as a WR in dynasty leagues, Chad Johnson or Housh? Has to be Johnson in dynasty leagues, right? Housh is in the middle of a nice 5-year run, but much of it is provided by the attention given to possible HOFer Chad. Housh has a much greater chance of falling off the face of the fantasy earth than Chad does.

Brad: You're right, the Chad Johnson saga is the most boring non-story that somehow continues to make headlines. He's not going anywhere, it's as simple as that. He is annoying the hell out of me, though. And he's ruined every bit of goodwill that he built up over the last half-decade. Oh well.

Your dynasty league Houshmandzadeh/Johnson question: I'm with you, I'd rather have No. 85. It's not even an issue, really. He's the better player on the football field (by a lot) and he's the one who has the better chance of maintaining greatness for the next 7-8 years. But I love Houshmandzadeh. Love him. Probably the most determined athlete I've ever come in contact with. But he's not in Johnson's league. He's just not. (By the way, the great majority of Bengal blowhards/sports talk callers disagree strongly with me on this one. They think Houshmandzadeh is the better player of the two. But that was expected, right?)

Wess: Where will Michael Turner end up?

Brad: It seems like Chicago makes too much sense, so it probably won't be them? I'd like to see him end up in Houston. Anything is possible, I suppose.

Wess: Who will be the starting QB for the 49ers?

Brad: Shaun Hill. Lock it. Call me crazy but I like the guy. And I've never been a big fan of Alex Smith. You may recall our pre-draft conversations from a few years back when I said how I like Aaron Rodgers better than Smith.

Wess: Can the Rams offense bounce back?

Brad: No. They're done. They need to start over. I wasn't a Bulger guy when he was supposedly good, and he hasn't gotten better since then. I would also advise the shot-callers in St. Louis to stop wasting money on the Drew Bennetts and Randy McMichaels of the world. And can they ever count on Orlando Pace again?

Wess: Who would you rather have in a dynasty league, Ronnie Brown or Larry Johnson?

Brad: I would have them rated equally going into next season with the slight edge going to Larry Johnson. Call me stupid, but I think he has another monster year left in him. But does he care? He seems like a bit of a frontrunner to me.

Wess: Will Marion Barber be the every-down back for the Cowboys next season?

Brad: Is there a more fun back to watch than Barber (you know, besides Westbrook, Petersen and maybe Jones-Drew)? The answer is NO. The problem is that what makes him fun to watch is what will ultimately put him in a wheelchair before he turns forty. The guy is so reckless that it's hard to see him lasting much longer than five or six years. But, in the short-term, he should be fine.

Wess: Where will Darren McFadden end up?

Brad: McFadden is no Adrian Petersen, and Petersen somehow slipped to 7th, so it's anybody's guess. My hunch is that he won't leave pick No. 5, though. Oakland (whether they pick 4th or 5th) seems about right.

Wess: Have you ever seen anything more odd than the last 6 weeks of Eli Manning?

Brad: In my life? Yeah. My next door neighbors during my childhood, the Isforts, used to do odd shit all the time. Like, they used to work on cars in the middle of the night and cut the grass when it was raining and stuff. And they used to call the cops on each other all the time. That was much stranger than a former overall No. 1 pick winning a Super Bowl. In the football world, though, I can't honestly say I've ever been so shocked in my life. Let's just go ahead and credit Kevin Boss for Manning's late-season's much easier that way.

Wess: Is this the beginning of the end of LaDainian's pure dominance?

Brad: I would say that he has two (or maybe three) years remaining in his prime. But, his reign as the top back in football is over. Adrian Petersen gets that label for the next five years or so.

Wess: Why are the Chiefs wasting time on Brodie Croyle?

Brad: Because they think he's good?

Wess: What are the chances the Seahawks DON'T draft Jonathan Stewart? That seems like too good of a match not to happen. What are the chances Jonathan Stewart ends up a better NFL RB than McFadden? What about Felix Jones?

Brad: I haven't really paid attention to mock drafts and where Stewart specifically projects. I know he'll be a 1st rounder, but to who...I have no idea. What I do know is that this year's RB class has a chance to go down as the best ever. McFadden, Stewart, Jones and Rashard Mendenhall are all so bleeping good I can't stand it. And they all offer the one thing most special backs possess: the extra gear. Especially Jones. In my opinion he's the most underrated college football player of my lifetime. The guy rushed for damn near 3,000 yards on less than 400 carries in his college career (do the math) and yet nobody ever talked about him. He's my sleeper pick to be the best back in this draft. Another guy I love is East Carolina's Chris Johnson. I ain't too sure where he's being projected but that dude's an animal.

(Note to NFL GMs: Stay away from Steve Slaton in the first two rounds. His feet aren't good enough to be an elite NFL back. He's Tatum Bell meets Michael Bennett. He's a homerun hitter, but offers little else. Overrated.)

Wess: Why is Matt Ryan so highly regarded? What happened to Brohm & Woodson's prospects?

Brad: Matt Ryan is a good prospect. He's got a really strong arm and called a lot of his own plays this past season, so you know he's not a dumb guy (Akili Smith, anyone?). But for whatever reason, and I can't quite put my finger on it, he doesn't impress me the way a likely top five pick should.

As for Woodson, I still really like him, but you're right, he's all of the sudden a 3rd round-type guy. He throws a perfect ball, and he's accurate when throwing deep, but his delivery is long, and Byron Leftwich has shown us why that's a bad thing. I wouldn't bet against Woodson, though. At least he knows how to throw a football, which is more than I can say for Tarvaris Jackson.

Brohm...the best QB prospect in the draft, and I'm not sure why scouts disagree with me. He has the size, mobility and accuracy (in the pocket and especially out of it) that I thought NFL team's covet. Who knows why his stock is slipping?

(One other thing: I know I'm basically alone on this, but I'm still a Colt Brennan guy. He's the most accurate college passer of my lifetime and has the quickest of quick releases. Yeah, his arm is weak, but it's better than Pennington's, and he's done okay. I'm not projecting greatness, but I do think Brennan will stick in the league for a number of years.)

Wess: Are there any WRs that should be drafted in the 1st round this April?

Brad: DeSean Jackson is Peter Warrick with speed. To me, that's a good thing. He's a game-breaker who will be a nightmare returning punts, as well. The other guy I love is Mario Manningham. He's explosive and polished. He's only 6'0, but he plays bigger than his size (ala 5'11 Chris Chambers). I don't like Limas Sweed or Early Doucet (their production never came close to their hype) and I'm take-it-or-leave-it with Malcolm Kelly. My sleeper in this draft is Cal's LaVelle Hawkins. He was a stud who was caught in DeSean Jackson's shadow.

Wess: Shouldn't the Browns trade Derek Anderson this off-season while they can?

Surprisingly, I think Brady Quinn is a keeper. I say "surprisingly," because I saw him as nothing but a talented choke artist at ND. But his preseason and limited action in last year's regular season changed my stance. It doesn't take much with me. That said, I'm not so sure he'll ever throw 29 TDs and lead his team to a 10-6 record the way Anderson just did in his first season as a starter. I like Anderson. To me, Quinn should be guaranteed nothing. Anderson is the starter in '08 (with no competition) and we'll see if he can be like Drew Brees and refuse to look in the rearview mirror.

Wess: If you were the Bears, Ravens or the Vikings, what would be too much to give up for Donovan McNabb? Isn't "game manager" Chad Pennington the perfect low-cost off-season acquisition for a team with the Vikings' unique strengths and weaknesses? How does that trade not happen?

Brad: Yes, the Vikings and Bears should give up plenty for McNabb. Both of those teams are good enough to make it to the Super Bowl with McNabb as their QB. He's old, but he's not that old. It's not inconceivable that he plays Pro Bowl-level QB for the next six years, you know?

As for the Ravens QB dare you. You and I both know Troy Smith is the guy for the next fifteen wonderful years.

Wess: Best Swampland in Florida investment: Javon Walker, Kevin Jones, or Cadillac Williams?

Brad: Kevin Jones over Javon Walker. Cadillac will walk with a limp for the rest of his life.

Wess: How good is Brandon Marshall? Should he be considered a Top-10 dynasty WR?

Brad: Awesome. Fantastic. Super. Great. Awesome. Really awesome. Awesome. YES, Marshall is a top 10 dynasty WR. The question really should have been, "Greg Jennings, Brandon Marshall or Marques Colston?" To that, I would have replied...NO EFFING CLUE!

Wess: What's your prognosis for Matt Leinart in 2008? Will he bounce back, or will Kurt Warner take over again at some point?

Brad: Bounce back. Although I'm starting to think I'm in the minority. I see Leinart throwing 25 TDs and leading the Cardinals to the playoffs in '09.

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (

Monday, February 11, 2008

Mediocre Football Q & A: Part One

My buddy Wess (from Sons of the Tundra) and I decided that it's never a bad idea to discuss football. We blindly sent each other a bunch of questions and here is the aftermath of my questions to Wess:

Brad: Shaun Hill just signed for three years to stay in San Francisco. Does Mike Martz have his next Kurt Warner on his hands? Marc Bulger? Jon Kitna?

Wess: I do think Shaun Hill will beat out Alex Smith for that job, but I don't think he shares much with Warner, Bulger, or Kitna. He's more athletic, more of a game manager type, and he's not going to be making big plays down the field. He does have a quick release, which is a must in Martz' system, but I don't see him becoming a fantasy stud.

Brad: Will Eli Manning's strong postseason play turn him into a fantasy stud?

Wess: No. Eli will not be a fantasy stud. No doubt the light appeared to go on for him about six weeks ago, and his turnaround is one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen in the NFL, but he's ALWAYS been an inconsistent QB. With that in mind, should this turnaround be all that surprising? I think he remains a high end QB2 and woe unto you who believes he's now an elite QB, fantasy or otherwise. I mean did you see some of those floaters he threw up in the Super Bowl? He put up 17 points helped by the Immacu-helmet Reception. To quote my 10-year-old neighbor, "Big whoop."

Brad: I believe the Jags--with little or no changes--are good enough to win next year's Super Bowl. Agree or disagree?

Wess: I loved the Jags going into the '07 season as a sleeper because they were so much better than their record in '06. But they're not better than their record in '07, and too many people are on that bandwagon already. I can't see Fred Taylor repeating that season at age 33, and though David Garrard is a very good QB, he's not going to keep playing at that high of a level. I think they need three things to happen in order to win next year's Super Bowl: 1) Maurice Jones-Drew has to be more involved in the offense almost like a Brian Westbrook, 2) Somebody has to step up as a legit go-to option as a receiver, or they have to import somebody who can perform that role, and 3) Their defense has to apply more pressure of the ballhawking/QB-haggling variety as opposed to simply stopping people.

Brad: What was the most under-reported story of 2007 season? It had to be Gaines Adams, right? By "Gaines Adams," what I mean is the length of his neck. Jesus! Merton Hanks has nothing on Gaines Adams.

Wess: I must have missed Gaines Adams' neck. I watched them play quite a few times, and I never noticed it. Common sense tells me there's no way it's longer than Merton Hanks' though. I think ol' Merton was adopted by a family from Thailand. The answer to your original question is that Ben Roethlisberger's rise to Tom Brady/Peyton Manning true franchise QB status was the under-reported story of the year.

(Note from Brad: I can't find a decent picture of Adams' neck, but I assure you it's the most incredible thing you've ever seen. In fact, That's Incredible! should come back just so they can do a feature on the length of Gaines Adams' neck. Anyway...)

Brad: Did Phil Rivers show you enough with his playmaking and guts in the postseason to make you believe he can lead the Chargers to a Super Bowl in the next two years (while Tomlinson is near the top of his game)?

Wess: No. Phil Rivers will have a tough time making much of a contribution at all next season. Carson Palmer and Donovan McNabb didn't return to their former selves the year following ACL surgery, and they were both much better QBs than Rivers. I was very impressed by Rivers' play in the post-season, but I just saw too much David Carr in him during the regular season to believe he's going to be Super Bowl bound the next two years. But if Eli can be Super Bowl MVP, then I guess I'll believe that anything is possible. . . .even Rex Grossman redeeming himself.

Brad: What's Minnesota going to do with their QB situation? Tarvaris Jackson can't be the short-term answer, can he?

Wess: Minnesota is in a tough spot because Tarvaris has just enough promise not to discard, but he's simply an awful fit for a team with their unique strengths and weaknesses. They almost have to go with him again if J.P. Losman and Daunte Culpepper are the best options on the market, but if ever a team screamed for a 2001 Ravens-style "game manager," it's this Vikings team. Chad Pennington is the obvious solution because he's a poor fit for the Jets right now, and he should be available for the right price. But what are the chances the Jets let him go for a price the Vikes are willing to pay? If I were the Vikes, I'd have to consider paying through the nose for McNabb too. An asset at QB could be a franchise momentum changer.

Brad: Is there any chance that the McNabb situation ends well in Philadelphia?

Wess: There's a chance. I think the Eagles could be on the brink of collapse/rebuilding, but I do expect McNabb to return with a vengeance in '08. If Westbrook can stay healthy and a receiver steps up (Kevin Curtis? Another free agent?), their offense could be a big surprise in '08; on the other hand, I think their defense is about to crumble. I expect the Eagles to actually trade McNabb after NEXT season, and then go through the rebuilding process. Of course, with a nice bounce back season out of McNabb, it could be Kolb that turns into Matt Schaub instead.

Brad: Dave Lapham told me two years ago that Vince Young's potential and playing style would get his coach fired. Norm Chow, although just an offensive coordinator, was his first casualty. How do you see the Vince Young Experience playing out over the next 7-8 years?

Wess: I actually like Vince Young's future. A couple of months ago, I was asked who he reminded me of, and the inquirer brought up Randall Cunningham, Michael Vick, and Donovan McNabb. He doesn't really remind me of anybody, but I'd say Steve McNair if I had to make a guess. He's tough, he's a leader and a winner, he can make plays with his legs when he has to, and the Titans offense will hold his numbers down most years. No doubt his season was tremendously disappointing in fantasy circles, but let's not forget that he had possibly the worst set of receivers in the league. I'm not saying Vince Young is Tom Brady, but look at the jump in Brady's production from the Caldwell/Gabriel crew to the Moss/Welker crew. Night and day. On a side note, I covered the Titans for a month straight at one point, and I've never seen a QB lose as many TDs to penalties, drops, and bad routes as Vince Young did in that month. He seriously should have had 8-10 more TDs just in those four games.

Brad: Will Larry Johnson ever be a top 3 fantasy RB again? Top 5?

Wess: I don't like LJ's chances of becoming elite ever again. People will point to the low YPC, the heavy workload, the foot injury, and the poor Chiefs offense (which are all very good points), but the biggest factor is that he's no longer running behind the best offensive line in the history of the NFL. They've gone from an O-Line full of Hall of Famers and Pro-Bowlers to an O-Line that is pretty much bottom of the barrel. Still, I'd like his chances much better if the Chiefs weren't so disillusioned as to believe that Brodie Croyle should ever start another NFL game. I just think LJ has too much going against him right now in addition to the fact that he'll be almost 29-years-old at the start of the season.

Brad: Where is Michael Turner headed? At what cost?

Wess: I'm not up on everybody's cap space but in just looking at need and fit, I'd say it's something like this: Chicago 25%, Detroit 20%, Atlanta 15%, Seattle 10%, Tennessee 10%, Houston 5%, Cincinnati 5%, Arizona 5%, and Carolina 5%. So I guess I'm saying there's a better than 50% chance that he goes to one of CHI, DET, or ATL. And I'll guess the price tag is similar to the one Travis Henry signed last year with the Broncos. He'll beat LaMont Jordan's Raiders contract, but he won't get Edgerrin James money.

Brad: When will Brady Quinn start a game for the Cleveland Browns? Are you a Derek Anderson guy? I am.

Wess: No, I'm not a Derek Anderson guy. I don't think he'll ever have as good of a year as he just had. I made the comparison a couple of months ago that Derek Anderson is the new Jake Delhomme: a playmaker with considerable accuracy and interception issues who is good enough to put up decent fantasy numbers some years, but he'll likely leave your NFL team feeling like they're just shy of having a franchise QB. There's definitely a place for guys like that as starting QBs in the NFL, but everybody went way overboard on his value the first couple of months of the season. My guess is that Brady Quinn starts a game for the Cleveland Browns at some point next season.

Brad: Do you think Phil Jackson is a good looking man?

Wess: No, he doesn't seem attractive to me, but I imagine chicks dig the 6'8" former athlete, HOF coach, yet intellectual and in touch with his feelings kind of thing he has going on. I always thought Cal Ripken Jr. seemed like a guy the chicks would dig, but it doesn't seem like they ever went gaga over him.

Brad: Will Sean Payton ever figure out how to get the most out of Reggie Bush?

Wess: I'm beginning to believe Reggie Bush just isn't that good. I thought he was way over-hyped coming into the league (compared to somebody like Adrian Petersen), but I still believed he'd be much more of a homerun threat than he's been. I'm not sure he can hold up to regular carries, and while he's a terrific pass catcher, I just don't know what to make of his horrific 5.0 yards per reception average. By all accounts, Sean Payton seems like a pretty innovative offensive mind, so I'm not sure what he's missing that he should be seeing.

Brad: The Houston Texans are my super-sleeper pick to win next year's Super Bowl. Schaub needs to stay healthy and an upgrade is needed at RB. But...with two monsters on the D-line, Amobi Okoye and Mario Williams, it's not inconceivable that they could make a run with a little luck. Am I crazy? Who's your way-off-the-radar pick? (By the way, my other pick would be Green Bay if Favre retires)

Wess: I like the Texans young talent a lot, but their major problem remains their division. You already have two teams from that division in the Super Bowl (JAX & HOU: nicely done Dicky V), plus the Colts figure to remain playoff caliber and Tennessee is anything but a pushover. I think the Texans are at least another year away from making the leap. I almost asked you the same question, but I decided it's too early to call before free agency and the draft. However, teams I think will surprise: Eagles, Rams, Bills, 49ers, and Panthers. If the Bears or Vikings get a legit QB, they could be in thick of it.

(Note from Brad: I never said the Jags and Texans were going to play in the Super Bowl. Jerk.)

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

Part Deux coming Tuesday afternoon.

-Brad Spieser (

Sunday, February 10, 2008

The Worst Hand Washing Story Ever

Listen to the newest podcast if you want to hear what I was subjected to in the restroom of a Johnny Rockets in DC. I still haven't recovered. Dickheads.

Also, come Monday night I'll have posted a football Q & A with Wess from Sons of the Tundra. This news should make you horny.

-Brad Spieser (

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Two Things I'll Never Understand

1. The Overrated cheer.

-It doesn't make any sense to chant "o-ver-ra-ted (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap)" while your team is in the midst of an upset. Essentially what your saying is "you suck, and we know this because we suck, and we're beating you."

2. Snapping pictures during a momentous sporting event.

-Whether it be the kickoff of a Super Bowl or Barry Bonds at the plate sitting on 755 HRs...I'll never understand why anybody would want that photo. Really, what good does it do you to have a photo that you took from 750 feet away.

Now why would you want this picture in your basement?

People are dumb.

-Brad Spieser (

Thursday, February 7, 2008

RSS Feeds Ahoy/ Kobe Bryant Podcast / C3K Update

Hi people.

John Spieser here to tell you that you can now subscribe to the TwinKilling blog via RSS feed.

The button is over on the left in the navigation.
That's all I wanted to tell you.
It is simple to do.

Unrelated note: Brad posted a new podcast, and it be titled "kobe bryant would dominate the winter olympics." It rules ass.

On another unrelated yet small enough update that warrants us being too lazy to make a new post here on the front page, the new prologue is up for Cincinnati 3000, so click the button on the left hand navigation and go read it. Better story telling than anything Stephen King has ever written. And funnier than anything Wayne Brady has ever said.
All a matter of opinion. Disclaimer.


Heroin is a Great Thing

Have you ever thought about...

1. why it's so great to have been born during the air conditioning/cable television era?

2. the popularity of meth and heroin?

3. the advantages of being a really old person?

My most recent podcast with Craig "discusses" such things. Go listen. Or get dead.

Email me feedback.

-Brad Spieser (

Things I Really Shouldn't Know

1. I know how to spell Szczerbiak or Krzyzewski with no hesitation. (Note: I'll always be shaky with Mientkiewicz--I simply don't have that kind of time.)

2. I know that Bears punter Brad Maynard was MAC Defensive Player of the Year at Ball State. And all he did was punt!

3. I know that Rahim Lockhart scored the first points in NBDL history. (Note: I actually watched this happen live. I could describe the play for you but that would make me a bit of a show-off)

4. I know that in the mid-to-late 90's St. Marys used to have a 7'3 guy named Brad Millard, and he was nicknamed "The Big Continent."

5. I know that if you type in 8e7fbfa3 as a password on the original Tecmo Bowl it will take you to a Broncos (you) versus Redskins (cpu) title game.

I am an incredible loser. I also graduated high school with a 1.9 GPA!

Have any useless facts that will be stuck in your mind forever? Email me.

-Brad Spieser (

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

College Basketball is Mostly Terrible

(Note: I posted a new podcast [tiger woods has the right to take a nap]. It's quite decent. I should have posted it ten days ago, but whatever...that shouldn't deter you from listening)

Somebody let me know what's going on in the UNC-Duke game. You see, I'm too busy watching real basketball players like Steve Nash, Amare Stoudemire, Chris Paul and David West. Can anyone tell me why--other than the atmosphere--I should be watching college hoops over a high-scoring Phoenix-New Orleans game on NBA TV?

The NBA is the superior product. And it ain't even close.

You think Tyler Hansborough is a good player, sports fans? I hate to break it to you, but he's not good enough to play a single minute in this game.

People are stupid.

Disagree? Email me.

-Brad Spieser (

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Two New Podcasts ! (Exclamation Point)

In one podcast, "blind faith is usually a bad idea," Craig and I bang on Christians a little more.

In the other, "brian roberts has a big one," I really need to explain? Regardless, it's a true story.

Listen, people.

-Brad Spieser (

Brief Vegas Wrap-Up

On some level I feel as if I do owe you more Vegas stories. On another, I'm tired and hungry.

So how about a compromise?


You may recall my tales of asshole-ish behavior that took place inside Leroy's, the depressing sports book inside the Tropicana, from my inagural trip to Vegas.

It's possible that you also remember a few of the characters that seemingly never left the joint.

The first guy was Sags, the grizzled manager who chain-smokes Winstons. He's the dude who dreaded the site of Colly and I, even though he kind of liked us. The other guy was Steel Reserve Guy, a pathetic drunk who drank Steel Reserve all day with hopes of, um...well, Steel Reserve Guy is without hope at this point. Anyway, do you remember these fellows? I thought you might. Not surprisingly, the first time we visited the Tropicana--which we only did to harass Sags--both of these sad sacks were there. And yes, I gots me some pictures.

The first up is Sags. He didn't take kindly to being photographed in the sports book, which is actually a big NO-NO in Vegas. And yes, Sags was actually smoking a cig in the sports book...

The next up is Steel Reserve Guy. Does this look like a guy with a psoitive outlook on life? By the way, check out the background in this photo. Look at the scumbag taking the bets, and the old fart placing them. Is this what's in your mind when you think of modern day Las Vegas. Me neither.

To further illustrate the moribund state of Leroy's, check out this beauty. Remember, this is a Friday night on the Strip, right as NBA games were tipping off. This is unfathomable. This picture shows two-thirds of the entire sports book, and yet only two people are in my shot: a drunken idiot who passed out and some old bastard who has probably died since I took his picture.

So now you know...when I spoke of just how depressing Leroy's is/ can see I wasn't exaggerating for dramatic effect. You can also see why I loved it so much. It was just like being on the Westside of Cincinnati.

Other Vegas things...

Not only did I meet Bert Sugar, which I documented here, but I encountered a few other celebrities.

Like Roger Mayweather (aka the craziest sumbitch on the planet). Remember, we were in Vegas for the Hatton-Mayweather fight, so Roger's celebrity status was through the roof. (By the way, who has the more obnoxious jacket? Is it my Mexican soccer jacket or his...actually I don't know how to describe his jacket. Either way, I'm just happy he decided to smile for the right camera. Moron. Wait, Im not looking at the right camera, either. Whatever.)

I also saw Derek Lee. I made sure to drop a "Go Reds" on him after we took the picture. (Note: It's too bad I couldn't keep my eyes open for my snapshot with Lee. I was ready to show the world that I was better looking than a guy who hit 46 HRs in 2005.)

Possibly more Vegas tales later. Now leave me alone.

-Brad Spieser (

Here's the Funny Thing about Drinking...

When I go out I'm constantly texting myself things that I feel will be helpful for this website. It's usuallly pointless.

Case in point: My trip to DC.

I just found a text that I sent myself at 1:45 am one night that read, "Kidd-bad guy. womens hoops awful. dixie chicks decent. tom bradys ankle is a big deal."

Believe me, at the time I thought that this particular text message was going to contribute to the best post of my young career.

And it's not that that Jason Kidd isn't a bad guy, he is. And women's hoops are actually worse than awful, so I understated things a bit that night. As for the Dixie Chicks, they are quite obviously decent, which means there was no reason to tell everyone something they already knew. Tom Brady's ankle...I'm not sure what I was thinking when I sent myself that message, but I'm sure I had a reason for documenting my mindset when the clock was approaching 2:00 am.

I am not a normal person.

-Brad Spieser (

Monday, February 4, 2008

I Know Bad People

This guy is my friend. Really, we talk on the phone and stuff. And he says things like "I wish I had Lou Gehrig's Disease." He is a terrible person. I will continue to be his friend despite his terribleness.

(Note: For whatever reason I couldn't embed his video. This is bad news for his future earnings.)

-Brad Spieser (

This Kid is My Hero

Be sure to watch this video start to finish--the funniest stuff is in the last twenty seconds.

-Brad Spieser (

Sunday, February 3, 2008

David Tyree = Max McGee + Tyrone Prothro

I didn't see that coming.

Sorry, no video of McGee exists. Here's a picture of the unexpected hero of Super Bowl past.

-Brad Spieser (

Lock of the Millennium: Super Bowl Edition

It's usually a bad idea to take the side of the betting public. But not always. Occasionally the degenerate scumbags pick one right, and I believe today is one of those days. I haven't heard a single person (aside form Plaxico Burress) predict a low scoring contest.

I'm with the scumbags.

The pick: NYG/New England (54.5) OVER

-Brad Spieser (