Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Las Vegas is Slightly Different than Southwest Ohio

At the moment, I can relate to Tom Hanks. Perhaps more accurately, I can relate to his character in the pretty awesome motion picture Cast Away. You know how he has a difficult time adjusting to the real world upon his return from the island? Well, that's me right now. It's quite evident that I have more in common with the real Tom Hanks than Cincinnati does with Las Vegas. Not to be insensitive or anything, but I'm guessing the adjustment to everyday life that I'm currently experiencing is on par with what Vietnam vets went through thirty-plus years ago. (Note: the last sentence is probably not true).

But listen, my Saturday in Nevada included such events as...

a. receiving gambling advice in an elevator from goddamn Bert Sugar, and

b. having a tequila-soaked nineteen-year-old Canadian gal puke all over herself and my queen-size bed (see picture below).

Basically what I'm trying to say is that being stuck in traffic on I-71 North is the exact opposite of my weekend in Las Vegas.

(Note about Bert Sugar: He was wearing a wrinkled, Irish green Guinness shirt and--of course--one of his signature hats. The man looked like he had been drinking whiskey since October. Needless to say, I loved him. Me and Bert could be friends. Anyway, Sugar's betting advice was correct. He told me to bet my cash on the Mayweather-Hatton fight NOT going the distance. I am an asshole for only winning $100 on the advice of boxing's most recognized historian.)

(Note about the picture of the teenager who thought it was a bright idea to come back to my room at 3 a.m.: It's entirely possible that I've violated some sort of law by posting an unflattering picture of her without her consent. Then again, it's probable that she'll never find out. This is because I'm fairly certain that Canadians don't have the Internet.)

More Vegas updates coming Wednesday night, right after Xavier defeats my beloved Cincinnati Bearcats in the Crosstown Ass-rape.

Oh yeah, one other thing: Craig and I had to abort the podcasting mission today. Such noise will now be conducted Thursday. This information should make you horny.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)