Thursday, January 31, 2008

Chris Berman Goes Ape Shit

I stole this from Mo Egger, who stole it from Deadspin. Watch it before YouTube takes it down.

(Note: I've basically been in a car or sleeping for the last two days and I need to go back out tonight at midnight. I'll be on the road for seven goddamn hours. I'm off Friday--I'll post new crap when I wake up.)

-Brad Spieser (

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

DC: Day Two

(Site update: I just posted a new podcast about David Pollack. It's only about forty seconds long. I'm pretty sure Craig and I are going to hell for it.)

(Update No. 2: I just realized that even though Craig and I speak for forty seconds the track lasts for almost two minutes. And I can't do a thing to rectify the situation. My apologies.)

There are four people in my hotel room at the moment.

A gay dude named Justin: he may or may not be older than nineteen.

Me: being awesome

My brother-in-law: showering, naked, lovely.


A slightly overweight young lady named (I think) Mary: She has a smoker's laugh and interesting teeth. She won't stop yammering about Gatorade. I should probably hate her more than I do.

DC has been a disappointment.

One day remains

-Brad Spieser (

Monday, January 28, 2008

DC: Day One

It's 3:35 pm ET.

I'm drunk.

I'm with a hard-to-understand Scottish man.

People think we are gay.

I'm okay with that.

Because we drove past the White House.

Tourism rules!

Still looking for my future wife.

Thus far it's been a fruitless search.

Pray for me.

(Question: Did you think of that Peter Gabriel song when I wrote the words "fruitless search?")

-Brad Spieser (

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Emmitt Smith, Dumb Guy

From ESPN's Sunday NFL Countdown...

While making a comparison between this year's Patriots team and the mid-90's Cowboys teams, Emmitt Smith somehow used the expression "sharp as a whistle."

I'm not making this up.

And no, he wasn't being ironic.

(Note: I'm headed to DC to hopefully meet the woman of my dreams. I'll keep you posted.)

-Brad Spieser (

Friday, January 25, 2008

Open the Door Get on the Floor...

Craig and I just finished a recording session. Believe it or not we talked about Christians and blacks and weiners. I'll spend the next few hours cutting shit up to put it on the site. Actually, I'm going to take a nap before I start that semi-annoying process. Stay tuned.


Thursday, January 24, 2008

Podcast: Car Trouble--Gay Dudes--Hillbillies

Give it a listen if you're interested in (a.) my gay black neighbor and (b.) Craig's brother's big truck. Really, it's that exciting.

-Brad Spieser (

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Bearcats Blow it Against UCONN. I Want to be a Dead Person.

Devastation. Devastating. Devastated. Kill Me With Gun. Or Guns. Complete sentences are stupid.

You might think I'm overreacting, but honestly, that's how I feel right about now. The Cats had 'em beat. Up twelve, less than 6:00 to go. AT HOME!

(Note: There is no need to mention Rashad Bishop's mindless foul with 9.8 left on the clock. It was obviously the dumbest thing that has ever happened in the history of mankind. Let's just move on.)

Here are my thoughts from what I witnessed Wednesday night (and if you were wondering, yes, the ban on bullet points is still in effect):

1. UC reminds me of a really good Missouri Valley Conference team. They're limited offensively, they play tough D and they'll scrap for every loose ball. UC's margin for error is so slim that even when they get up 12 or 15 points it seems as if they'd rather play keep-away than extend the lead. This isn't a knock on Mick Cronin's coaching style, either. In fact, it's a compliment to a guy who understands his team's restrictions and somehow keeps them competitive against more talented squads. Sounds just like an MVC team in the first round of the tourney, no?

2. I do have two minor problems with Cronin's in-game decisions Wednesday, though...

a. Why not call a timeout when UCONN cut the 12-point lead to 8 in the blink of an eye? Cronin waited until it got to 6 to call the timeout. The momentum had clearly shifted after the first two layups and it seemed to me that the bleeding needed to be stopped pronto. Also...

b. Larry Davis should have been on the floor for the final five minutes. UC needed to adjust when UCONN assaulted them with their cat-quick press (which UCONN should've been doing the entire game, with Dyson, Price and Wiggins on the floor at the same time, but anyway). If it meant taking out Adam H or Williamson I would have been okay with it. The Cats were left with Warren as their only player with any degree of quickness to handle UCONN's crippling pressure. Davis' athleticism would have helped during that stretch. It certainly couldn't have hurt the Cats any more than Williamson or Adam H did. Which reminds me...

3. Incoming PG Cashmere Wright had better be ready to play 25-30 MPG next season. Freshman or not, he'll likely be the key to the 08-09 season. If Wright struggles, Vaughn has to play the point, and Vaughn ain't a point guard. We know this. Which reminds me...

4. If I were Cronin I'd recruit a Juco PG for next season (think Jamual Warren, not Timmy Crowell). They're thin at the position, plus UC has scholarships available--as it stands UC only has nine committed scholarship players for next season.

5. Ed Hightower and Co. are stupid dumb idiots. Also, they are not smart people. Really though, that was one of the most poorly officiated games in recent memory. Techs left and right, two phantom calls on Adam H that led to and-ones and let's not forget Kenny Belton being given an extra free throw because the referees had their heads up their bum-bums? Which reminds me...

6. From here on out, Kenny Belton's free throw attempts are can't-miss television events. Really, words cannot describe how happy I am when he makes it to the charity stripe. Someone needs to make a YouTube montage of Belton's worst misses.

7. Back to Larry Davis, because I love him...mark my words, Davis is UC's most talented offensive player right now, and will be their go-to-guy by the middle of next season. He's taller, quicker and more skilled than Vaughn (who I also love)...he just needs to improve his D (or maybe his practice habits) just enough to get on the floor to prove me right. Anyone disagree? Finally...

8. We'll find out a bit more about Cronin come Sunday afternoon. The Cats travel to New Jersey (the dump that produced Mo Egger) to take on the decidedly non-terrible Seton Hall Pirates. Win or lose, if UC plays hard for forty minutes we'll have learned a little more about Cronin. Losses like Wednesday's can be tough to shake.

Then again, it shouldn't be too difficult to exude maximum effort from here on out.

Hopefully, the loss to UCONN won't prevent UC from dancing in March. And while you might think I'm nuts for even mentioning the d word, consider this: According to me, an admitted amateur bracketolgist, 11 conference wins would make UC a shoe-in for the field of 65. An 11-7 Big East record would leave them with an overall W-L record of 16-14, with a few monster in-conference wins, respectable showings against Memphis and Xavier, two bad losses (Belmont and Bowling Green) coming without starting PG Jamual Warren, and an RPI that will undoubtedly be respectable (low 30's, probably). I think even a first round Big East Tournament loss (and a 16-15 overall record) would still leave UC on the happy side of the bubble. Hell, Georgia safely made it in a few years back with a 16-14 record. And they were a freaking No. 8 seed! God bless the RPI...

(Sorry for getting ahead of myself with a team that might finish with twenty losses. I can't help it; this is what I think about all day long. Well that and how sad I am over Heath Ledger's death. But not really. Anyway...)

The most devastating aspect of the UCONN loss isn't the way they lost, although it certainly stings. To me, the most painful kick to the groin is that they lost, whether is was to UCONN or whoever...whether they blew a big lead or not. Remember, 11 is the magic number. It doesn't matter who they beat or how ugly they do it. Take a peep at the remaining schedule...six more wins is attainable, but now they need seven. That's asking an awful lot for a team that ain't exactly the most talented bunch around.

End of words. Now go listen to the "soldiers arent heroes and columbine was overrated" podcast. It's easily the most offensive thing you will hear in the next decade or so.

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (

Soldiers Aren't Heroes and Columbine was Overrated

New podcast. Best one yet. Also, our most offensive.


Don't make me beg.

-Brad Spieser (

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

"F**k the Average Reader"

Hey, you see that title up there, the one with the naughty word in it? Relax, I didn't say it, although it certainly made me feel better about what I'm doing with my life.

Nick Hornby recently interviewed David Simon, creator of the The Wire, and one of Simon's responses validated everything I believe in.

Hornby asked Simon a simple question about writing for the show, and how it must be difficult to accurately capture the slang of inner-city youths.

Simon's response, honestly, left me grinning ear to ear. Actually, I damn near jumped out of my seat...

DS: My standard for verisimilitude is simple and I came to it when I started to write prose narrative: fuck the average reader. I was always told to write for the average reader in my newspaper life. The average reader, as they meant it, was some suburban white subscriber with two-point-whatever kids and three-point-whatever cars and a dog and a cat and lawn furniture. He knows nothing and he needs everything explained to him right away, so that exposition becomes this incredible, story-killing burden. Fuck him. Fuck him to hell.

Listen, Simon's feelings don't completely apply to this website. Don't get me wrong, I try to write intelligently on the topic of sports, but the fact is I'm not a highly skilled writer. I'm okay, I suppose (I've gotten a lot better in 17 months), but I'm not talented enough to be above Joe Lunch Bucket on the Westside (more on that in a minute). Plus, I frequently write about things like my urine smelling like tuna, so I can't really act as if I'm above simple-minded nonsense every now and again. Malcolm Gladwell, I am not.

But back to Simon's "Fuck the average reader" beliefs...

Like I said, they don't necessarily apply to this website. At least not my written words. As for podcasts, that's a whole other story.

As you probably know, my first love is radio. I worked in radio for the better part of eight years, up until August when Clear Channel let me go. I am passionate about few other things than radio. I have a better understanding of radio (at least in terms of sports talk shows and why they do/don't work) than 99 percent of the people on this planet, and the number probably only drops to about 80 percent when compared to people who actually work in the industry.

Me and the industry...we disagree strongly in one area.

I believe the worst kind of talk show is the one that panders to dopes and sucks up to angry callers (to avoid losing a listener). These shows are always hosted by phony ego-maniacs who live in fear of ever being seen in a negative light. The funny thing is that I just described the great majority of current talk shows, sports or otherwise.

And there's a reason that most of these shows are garbage, and it all has to do with Simon's answer and Joe Lunch Bucket. I can't tell you how many times I was personally told by well-known local radio hot-shots (my bosses) that, as a host, my audience was "Joe Lunch Bucket on the Westside," and that I shouldn't ever try to be "cute" with my delivery. I was also regularly told that "nobody knows who the hell I am, so don't piss off anyone." Oh yeah, they wanted to hear call letters a lot.

This always infuriated me. I knew what good radio sounded like, and this wasn't it. I was a diehard Howard Stern fan. Ditto for Tony Kornheiser. I am 100 percent positive Joe Lunch Bucket hated Kornheiser. He probably complained that Mr. Tony didn't talk enough sports. Funny thing is, I bet Kornheiser loved the fact that regular dum-dums hated his show.

I'm guessing the same is true for Wes Anderson, the guy who created two of my favorite movies, Rushmore and The Life Aquatic. These films weren't monsters at the box office--probably because every other scene didn't end with one of the characters being kicked in the nuts.

Okay, I officially have no idea what I'm talking about anymore. I'm just rambling and rambling and missing out on my basic point. I wrote 750 words when all I really needed was a paragraph or two. Actually, all I really needed to write was how David Simon validated my beliefs towards radio.

That's it. That's all I really have to say. Sorry for being long-winded and incoherent.

-Brad Spieser (

Monday, January 21, 2008

Kenny George is Changing My Life

In honor of MLK Day, I decided to show some love to my favorite living black. The latest podcast focuses on Kenny George, the 7'7 mammal from UNC-Asheville. (Reminder: listen to the podcast) Have you seen this dude? He dunks the ball without jumping! (exclamation point) If you haven't seen video of this giant, well, what exactly is wrong with you? Anyway, here's what you've been missing:

That was fun, right? Now go listen to the podcast, jerks.

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Craig is an Unreliable Jerk

New podcast. Listen.

-Brad Spieser (

Friday, January 18, 2008

Greg Oden = Randy Moss

There was a point during the NFL's offseason when Randy Moss appeared to be headed to Green Bay to catch passes for the over-the-hill Brett Favre. This was a few months before the talentless Portland Trail Blazers made Greg Oden the first selection of the NBA draft.

Fast forward to right now...

Moss isn't catching passes for Favre, and yet Green Bay is one game away from being NFC champs. And Brett Favre is playing his best football in five years (as I predicted)

As for Oden, he's out for the season, and somehow Portland is staring at a 26-15 record. In the freaking West!

What I find interesting in all of this is how--had Moss played for the Packers and Oden stayed healthy--they would have been given the majority of the credit for their respective team's turnaround.

Greg Oden = Randy Moss.

Brad = smart.

NFL Lock of the Millennium...

I got greedy last week and picked a game on Sunday after I already had secured a winner on Saturday. These are the kind of problems I ran into when I was a real gambler. Anyway, the record now stands at 19-18 and I refuse to go under .500. Which is why my Lock for Championship Sunday is...

I have no goddamn idea.

Is it still a Lock if I'm not all that confident with the pick? Is it a mistake to show fear in a public setting? Should I keep asking myself questions as if I were Alan Cutler?

Okay, here goes nothing: My reluctant NFL Lock of the Millennium is Green Bay-New York UNDER (39.5).

I hate taking unders, I hate fourth grade and I hate all of you.

NFL playoffs note: For quality in-game blogging visit Sons of the Tundra. My buddy Wess is like Matt Mosely without the contacts.

End of words.

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (

My Apologies. Again

I gots to be driving to West Virginia--or in the general vicinity of that shithole--immediately. In the meantime, go back and listen to past podcasts.



Thursday, January 17, 2008

Podcasting and Whatnot

For a little insight into my germaphobic ways listen to the podcast titled "i think i wash my hands too much."

Friday is upon us, people. I will spend my day writing words. Good night.

-Brad Spieser (

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

More Podcasting Excitement

Did you hate former Reds announcer Steve Stewart? If so, give the most recent podcast a listen.

Oh yeah, I recently lied about some things. For instance, I said I'd be posting as many as two things tonight and I didn't post any. I just found out I have to work 18 hours Thursday and I'd like to get 7-plus hours of sleepy-time in before such madness. I hope you understand. I'm off Friday, though, so blog-a-palooza (or whatever) is on its way.

-Brad Spieser (

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

New Podcast. Finally.

Wanna hear more about my hatred for hilbillies? Go listen.

I'll post new stuff tonight. I'd say I have two posts and another podcast in me. Horny?

-Brad Spieser (

Subtle Racism and Other NFL Thoughts

(I'm off work today, so keep checking back. And if you haven't already, scroll down and read my post from Saturday afternoon--the one that explains my brief absence last week)

While watching the Pittsburgh-Jacksonville duel the Saturday before last I fielded a phone call from my buddy Cam that led to other things. Cam wanted to know what sort of off-the-field problems Santonio Holmes had in his past. I thought it was some domestic stuff, I checked his Wikipedia page, and sure enough I was right. End of phone call.

But I decided to read on between plays, and I couldn't believe what I was reading. After breezing through the sections about his 3.4 high school GPA and his excellence as an amateur track & field star and blah blah blah, I found my way to the "Trivia" section and nearly swallowed my tongue.

From Wikipedia...

"He has two sons and a daughter, Santonio III, Nicori and Saniya, but with two mothers."

Read it again, this time with use of italics...

He has two sons and a daughter, Santonio III, Nicori and Saniya, but with two mothers.

But? Really? Why?


Has one word ever been used so negatively?

Wouldn't the following sentence have been one thousand times less KKK-ish: He has two sons and a daughter, Santonio III, Nicori and Saniya, from two mothers.

I can't help myself from writing about this stuff. And yes, I realize any regular Joe Schmoe can write on Wikipedia, but I still found it interesting. And I bet you did, too.

Leftover crap from the weekend...

How is nobody talking about Dennis Northcutt's history of un-clutchness?

The second the Jags' WR dropped the game-tying touchdown late in the 3rd quarter, I couldn't believe how he'd been responsible for two of the most damaging drops in recent playoff history. His most recent drop--the one that would have tied New England at 21, and showed them they weren't going anywhere--effectively lost the Jags the game. A field goal made it 21-17 and the Pats quickly answered with a touchdown. Pats 28, Jags 17. Game over. You're just not catching Tom Brady from more than one score down and only one quarter remaining.

Anyway, Northcutt's drop versus New England has been discussed over and over, on message boards and television shows. But what hasn't been mentioned--and I have no idea how--is Northcutt's history of choking.

Am I the only human alive who remembers his drop in the '02 playoffs, when he was a member of the Cleveland Browns? In the final minutes of the game, as Cleveland (led by Kelly Holcomb!) was leading division rival Pittsburgh (led by Tommy Maddox!), the Browns simply had to achieve one first down to run out the clock. Guess what? Northcutt struck again (for the first time). He dropped a simple 3rd & 12 pass that would have guaranteed the Browns' advancement to the next round.

Why isn't anyone talking (or writing) about this? Even Sports Illustrated's Peter King, who gets fed information all the time, somehow missed it. He even had Northcutt as his Goat of the Week and never mentioned it once in his one-paragraph write-up. How is that even possible? I mean, it definitely happened, so what gives? Maybe I'm just smarter than everybody else...

More stuff about RBs

I wrote Sunday night about Ryan Grant's unexpected rise. I also wrote about the stupidity of drafting RBs high unless they were sure-fire superstars (I used Tomlinson and Petersen as examples). Anyway, one RB I meant to comment upon was Fred Taylor.

I've heard quite a few announcers in recent weeks mention Fred Taylor's first ever trip to the Pro Bowl, and how it was long overdue. I'm not going to get into any of that, but I will say that I've spent a great deal of time thinking about Fred Taylor over the years. Really! You, like me, have probably cursed Fred Taylor a time or two in the last decade. But that's where the similarities (probably) end. You're cursing was fantasy football related, which is understandable because at one point or another Fred Taylor has killed everybody's fantasy team. My anger, however, is only revealed when Taylor is playing great football, as he somehow still is in Jacksonville.

When Fred Taylor darts by an opponent for a 70-yard score--at the ancient age of 32--I get mad. Mad because Taylor will one day be remembered as merely a good back from this era, rather than one of the ten best backs of all time. Maybe it's odd for me to care about such things, but it always bugs me when great athletes see their career's derailed by injuries (Taylor missed 24 games--a full year-and-a-half in his first four seasons, aka "a RB's prime"). And don't kid yourself, Fred Taylor was great, at least when he was healthy.

(Note: The use of the word "was" isn't meant to suggest he's retired and/or dead, but it does mean that--no matter how good he still is--his prime is over, and that stinks.)

But back to his greatness...

Of the backs I closely watched over the past fifteen years, I believe Fred Taylor--again, when healthy--had every right to sit at the head table, along with Emmitt, Barry, Faulk and Tomlinson, and ahead of Bettis, Martin, Dillon, Barber and whoever else.

It's too bad history won't remember it that way. History will remember him as a pretty good player for the pretty good Jaguars, somebody who wasn't in Shaun Alexander's league. Clearly, that's a horse manure.

As for me? I will remember Taylor as the perfect blend of size and speed. A guy who possessed the feet, game-breaking ability and hands of a little guy, with the size and toughness of a big guy. When he was at his peak I can't say that I've ever seen a better, more complete back than Fred Taylor.


(Maybe I'll reach out to Wess from Sons of the Tundra for his take on Taylor's career.)

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (

I Need Your Help Finding My Future Wife

(I'm off work today, so keep checking back. And if you haven't already, scroll down and read my post from Saturday afternoon--the one that explains my brief absence last week)

I wrote these words Sunday Morning:

"Also, I expected to spend my Sunday morning writing more words than this but I'm pretty sure I just met my future wife. Seriously. No joke (I am not joking). She's perfect. Details to follow..."

Well, here are the highly anticipated details, boys and girls: As I was watching the end of ESPN Classic's replay of Saturday's Georgetown-UCONN match--to see how the ball even ended up in Roy Hibbert's hands twenty feet from the basket in such a key moment--I was completely blown away by something that took place immediately after the 7'2 giant swooshed in the game-winning trifecta.


During the timeout, ESPN's cameras showed us fans going crazy, and they focused on the girl on the right for nearly 3.632 seconds. Not only did she not seem obnoxious telling everyone--or no one in particular--that Georgetown was No. 1 (she must not use the AP rankings, but whatever), but she appeared to be one of the best minimal effort-looking ladies I'd ever seen (I'm into T-shirt-clad girls).

I was talking on the phone to Craig as this unfolded and I nearly had a petit mal seizure right then and there. I told him I was in love with this bouncy Georgetown student and I couldn't stop rewinding and re-watching her brief time on screen.

"She appeared to be looking right at me," I told him, "and it would now be my mission to find this creature and ask her if she'd like to spend the next fifty years with me."

Craig called me a faggot a few hundred times but I didn't let his hurtful words dissuade me.

"No, no, no, you don't understand...she's perfect."

So perfect, in fact, that I took several other pictures of her off of my paused television screen, which explains the clarity issues. Take a look...

See what I mean? Perfect. I bet she's good at math, too. And she's probably from somewhere else, effectively making her exotic, even if that somewhere else is Concord, New Hampshire. Anyway, how about one more?

Listen, I'm entirely sure my actions here are creepy. But the way I see it, everybody's a creep--I'm just the idiot who tells the world about it (even dudes in the Congo!). Creepy or not, I'm serious. I'm in love, and I need your help. If you know anyone who attends Georgetown--or perhaps much easier--if you know anyone who knows this girl, please help me out. Is she on MySpace? How about Facebook? I'm not on Facebook, but I would absolutely join for this person.

Get back to me, people; I have a mission to complete. First step: Peppering this story all over Georgetown message boards. Wish me luck.

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (

Monday, January 14, 2008

Things That Piqued My Interest Monday

From PTI...

Tony Kornheiser compared Peyton Manning to Greg Maddux. Jesus, that's brilliant. Don't know why I didn't think of that one first.

From chat with Bracketologist Joe Lunardi...

Chris, Cincinnati: If Cincinnati can pull of the big road win against Notre Dame, does that get UC on the bubble at all or do the early season woes doom them all year no matter how well they do in conference

Joe Lunardi: The Bearcats will absolutely be in the conversation if they remain above .500 in the Big East.

-Brad Spieser (

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Ryan Grant and the Future of UC Basketball

When did Ryan Grant become Ryan Goddamn Grant? Really, am I missing something here? He went from being nothing special at Notre Dame to being nothing special for the New York Giants to being buried on the depth chart in Green Bay to making the Packers' a legitimate title contender. Seriously, what the hell happened?

I watched this guy at ND and never once did I say, "Holy hell, this guy's a monster." Now, I realize I've never said those words about anyone, ever, but the point is this (and stop me if you've heard this one): Running backs are a dime-a-dozen. They just are. And unless you can get your hands on Adrian Petersen or Ladainian Tomlinson in the top half of round one, wait 'til later, because something almost as good is about four rounds away, and about five times as cheap.

My belief is that there's somewhere in the neighborhood of one hundred human beings currently inhabiting our planet who could rush for 1,100 yards on four yards-per-carry, while scoring eight touchdowns in an NFL season. Think about what I just wrote: One hundred guys. Now, it's entirely possible that I'm full of shit (it's been known to happen), but it's also possible that the number might actually be higher. But I'm going to go ahead and assume I'm right about this one. One hundred guys (wait, that's kind of gay).

Just think about how lucky Selvin Young, Willie Parker and Grant were to find themselves in their current situations:

Selvin Young: Never a stud at Texas, and went undrafted. It could have been a death sentence but he was desirable enough to Mike Shanahan that the Broncos' head man reached out and signed him as a free agent. What if, say, Jacksonville would have offered him more the day before? Maybe he makes the team in training camp, maybe he doesn't. But even if he does, he's sitting behind Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew and never sees the field. A couple years may pass and he might be struggling to make a roster, any roster, despite his obvious game-breaking ability.

Willie Parker: Another undrafted guy who made the most of his opportunity. Fast Willie rushed for less than 1,000 yards in his four-year career at North Carolina, a school not necessarily noted for its football tradition. Most guys like that don't even get into someone's camp. Parker did, benefited from injuries to Jerome Bettis and Duce Staley and made the most of it. The odds were stacked against him, despite (my apologies for being redundant) his obvious game-breaking ability.

Grant: I touched on him a little already, but it's worth noting that he needed a million breaks to get to where he is now. Grant was a sixth round selection of the New York Giants and sat on their practice squad in year one. Year two saw him miss the entire season with an injury. Going into 2007, he found himself behind Brandon Jacobs, Reuben Droughns (aka Robin Droggins) and Derrick Ward. Most guys in Grant's situation get cut and never find their way to a roster. But he was traded to Green Bay and given new life. Sort of. Grant was still behind Deshawn Wynn, Brandon Jackson and Vernand Morency, and needed their ineffectiveness/injuries/drug suspension to finally get noticed. And when he did, he was great. But that opportunity was never guaranteed to him.

You might think I'm crazy. You might think that cream always rises to the top, and that Young, Parker and Grant would have eventually become quality NFL RBs. But I will always disagree with you. More people are playing football than ever before, and their are too many out-of-nowhere success stories to support my beliefs (Priest Holmes, anyone?). There are 32 starting RBs in the you really think there aren't a ton more capable of handling that position?

Which reminds me...

Since RBs are a dime-a-dozen, the GMs who were responsible for giving Edgerrin James and Shaun Alexander mega-contracts a few years back need to be shot in the face with a gun or rifle (is a rifle a gun or just a rifle? I suppose it's both.). You're much better off drafting a fast guy in the fourth round every other year until one sticks.

Also, for NFL GMs who read this...

Don't draft Steve Slaton as high as the mock drafts are projecting. I mean, sure, he's a modern day Tatum Bell (with a little Michael Bennett mixed in) but he's not worthy of being a top 15 selection. He's just not. This guy will never be the kind of 1,300-1,500 yard rusher that you look for with a high first round pick. Trust me. This isn't to say that he won't be a consistent 1,110 yard rusher, but--as we've learned--you can find fellows like that on the scrap heap.

End of those words.

More words...

UC Basketball

The kids are growing up, people, and Mick Cronin's coaching ability has finally allowed me to sleep well at night.

It doesn't seem real, actually, beating Louisville, Syracuse and Villanova in their first four Big East games. Not only because last year was a disaster, but because we're not exactly talking about a supremely talented roster here. Think for a moment and name me one player on this roster who you're absolutely positive will play three seasons in the NBA. You can't. Unless you're flat-out lying to yourself you cannot name one player on this team who will ever hear their name called by David Stern.

That's not to say they don't have their right to exist on the Big East level, because they absolutely do. But even the young guys, the so called "talent" on the roster, is only okay. I mean, sure, I like Deonta Vaughn, but he'll never play in the league. And Anthony McClain, look, the guy's getting better, but he's no shoe-in to make an NBA roster--he has miles to go. Rashd Bishop will be a great four-year player but never a next-level guy. I could go on and on, but then I'd seem like I was bashing a team I'm falling in love with. And I'd also be getting away from my point: Mick Cronin can really coach, and his mildly talented roster is how I know such things. Teams like Cronin's current squad usually compete with conference heavyweights when they're full of third and fourth year players, not when they're a mishmash of semi-promising freshman, an overachieving sophomore and a buttload of seniors who will be lucky to play in the Turkish B-League next year.

End of all words.

(Note: I was going to write a few dozen words about Yancey Gates, but my bed is calling my name. Plus, I'm traumatized by the extended weiner shot I just witnessed in Sunday's episode of The Wire.)

Podcasts coming Monday.

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (

If I Traded Places With Norv Turner...

I would play Ladainian Tomlinson in the slot for at least 15-20 snaps against Indianapolis. This would get Michael Turner--one of the ten best players on the team--on the field more, and it would make up for a potentially limited Antonio Gates.

But I'm not Norv Turner. Which is why Michael Turner will barely get on the field. Which is why the Colts will beat the Chargers.

One other thing...

I did some checking and it turns out my record ATS after Saturday's Jags-Pats lock is 19-17, and not 19-16. Because of this, I'm giving out another playoff lock: Giants-Cowboys OVER (47)

Also, I expected to spend my Sunday morning writing more words than this but I'm pretty sure I just met my future wife. Seriously. No joke (I am not joking). She's perfect. Details to follow...

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (

Saturday, January 12, 2008

NFL Lock of the Millennium: Playoff Edition Part Deux

To quote Nice Guy Eddie, "Okay, first things fuckin' last"...

Look, the lack of posting on this website is something I'm entirely aware of. Really, I am. The reason I bring this up is so you'll stop reminding me. You can also stop telling me how I should be updating things with more regularity. Again, no shit.

Do you really think that I don't realize the ramifications of my (non) actions over the past four days? Do you think I'm happy that I've stunted the momentum I built up at the end of last year (2007)? Seriously, you think I'm doing cartwheels over here?

In case you forgot, I'm the human who runs this website. And I'm the human who pays the bills. And I'm the human who purchased a brand new computator from over the summer, specifically to create this decent website (and also to watch girls dancing in their underwear on YouTube, but whatever). And I'm the human who writes about his urine smelling like tuna. That's me! I'm him!

Got it, jerks?

As for the reason I've been unable to finish my OSU-LSU wrap-up, as well as a million other things, such as a Bengals end-of-season column, a proper look back at the Jesus Christ (aka Josh Hamilton) era or more Vegas stories...well, I've been busy. Like, really busy. Like, busier than I've ever been in my life. I've been busy working two jobs in order to get myself some extra cash, which will hopefully allow me to (a.) get out of debt, (b.) pay rent on time and (c.) eat food.

Making things worse, I haven't been anywhere near a computator during my times of busyness, which means that when I've actually had a free minute, I was catching up on my regular reading and checking emails (you know, the things I draw inspiration from). Things got so busy a few days ago that I went something like 54 hours without reading the latest on personal record. Listen, some men are ashamed of their inadequacies in the bedroom. Me? I'm ashamed when I haven't seen the high school highlight tapes for an incoming recruit at Ohio State. To me, this is just as important as possessing a fully functioning weiner.

But anyway, that's my life at the moment. Sounds fun, don't it? The good news is that I'll soon be (somewhat) out of debt, while still reaching my minimum goals of paying rent and eating food. More importantly, I'll be working significantly less, which will allow me to write and podcast more. Horny?

I'm sure I could write sympathetically about myself for a few more hours, but I gots me some football picking to do.

My record now stands at 18-16, which is certainly respectable, but not exactly what I'd envisioned after reaching a semi-sexy 18-13. Oh well.

The Lock of the Millennium...

New England-Jacksonville OVER (50)

I'm fairly confident that we're looking at a 41-27 ballgame, although I wouldn't be surprised if David Garrard game-manages his way to a measly ten points in a 35-10 Patriots blowout.

The end.

More words: I'll post something Saturday night or Sunday morning before the Colts-Chargers tilt. This is because I'm a loser. ALSO, ALSO, ALSO...I'll post something Sunday night before I go sleepy-time. And...I'll finish my OSU-LSU stuff soon (not that you care at this point), I have a Vegas story basically ready (with pictures), so you can expect that in the coming days as well. AND...Craig and I are podcasting Monday afternoon. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it won't be long until things are back to normal.

For now, leave me the frick alone...I'm trying to watch grainy videotape of a Caucasian high school linebacker from Toledo, Ohio.

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Damn You, Brian Robiskie

(Note: It's been a number of years since I drank until 5:30 on a Monday.)

Where has Laura Leighton been all my life? That's really the only thing on my mind as I watch Melrose Place in my current state of hungoverness. Well that and what would have happened if Brian Robiskie had caught that touchdown...

Listen, LSU was the better team. And I don't mean that in a they-were-the-better-team-that-night sort of way. Nope, they were just better. They are better. LSU is better at playing American football than Ohio State. Got it? But...I don't think it's by a wide margin. I think if Ohio State and LSU were to line up against each other ten times--you know, in reality land--I believe the Bucks could take three of those games.

But they'd need to play a near-flawless game. They'd need to be on the good side of the 50-50 plays, which they clearly weren't Monday night.

Crap, I have to finish this later. I was just given an opportunity to make a decent chunk of cash and I can't pass it up. I have to drive to Columbus immediately. Does this make me seem important?

To be continued...

UPDATE: My NFL picks are coming Saturday afternoon. I will also address the lack of posts over the last four days. Be patient, peoples.


Sunday, January 6, 2008

LSU-OSU: Predictions and Whatnot

I want you to know that I took off work Tuesday. I didn't do this because I thought I'd be hungover the morning after the OSU-LSU game, although that's a legitimate possibility. Nope. I took off so I could swallow my last 30 MGs of adderall (a wonderful drug that helps me write) upon wake-up and (hopefully) put Ohio State's championship season, and especially their triumph over LSU, into perspective. This is a huge risk, I realize, but it's one that I'm willing to take. Think about it, though, if my beloved Bucks suffer defeat (again) on the biggest stage I won't exactly be in the best of moods. In fact, I'll want to murder the great majority of humans in my path for a solid 48-72 hours. But since I will have already committed myself to writing on this wonderful website--and since I will have a large chunk of available free time for the first time in a month--I'll be left with no other option but to type until my metacarpals are in pain. Anyway...

Enough of that negative shit already...Ohio State will beat LSU Monday night. That's right, I said it. Okay, so that might not be a shocking revelation or anything, but I do believe it to be true, all biases aside.

Here's why:


Whether it be a media member or some assface at UDF, I'm sick of hearing some variation of this: Ohio State is too slow for LSU--look what happened versus Florida last year. I always just want to scream, "Hey dickhead, are Teddy Ginn and Anthony Gonzalez and Vernon Gholston and Marcus Freeman and Malcolm Jenkins and Antonio Pittman slow-moving creatures?" Now, obviously, the answer is NO...nobody in their right mind would ever label those guys--and countless others from last year's team--slow. But for some reason, even high-paid talking heads (so-called experts) continue to bring this crap up. What's rarely brought up is the Eye of the Tiger, which Florida had and Ohio State clearly didn't. What's rarely brought up was that Florida was actually a really good team that peaked at the right time. What's rarely brought up is that Urban Meyer coached the pants off of Jim Tressel. What happened last year had nothing to do with speed. If it were simply a matter of speed then how do you explain Ohio State's 2002 national title against Miami? While you're waiting to come up with a bullshit answer take a peek at the who's-who list that makes up the roster of the 2002 'Canes. Was that team not fast? I rest my case.


As much as I want to strangle the Mark Mays of the world for bringing up the perceived speed advantage for LSU, I secretly love it. All athletes thrive on being told they're not good enough. Shit, even Michael Jordan played the disrespect card. Michael Jordan! One of the twenty best black basketball players of the 1990's! This, plus the fact that residue remains from the Florida debacle means Ohio State will be the more motivated bunch Monday night. And if not, Jim Tressel isn't as great as we think he is.


In five of the last seven years the BCS champ was an underdog coming into the game. I'm going to go ahead and say there's a reason for this. Maybe this statistic doesn't tell us anything, but I choose to believe it does. Eye of the Tiger, baby...


Before you get your panties in a knot, hear me out: Overrated doesn't mean bad, just as underrated doesn't mean good. For instance, I think Anna Kournikova was an underrated tennis player, and I think Barry Sanders was an overrated runningback, but--clearly--Sanders was much better at his craft than Kourikova was at hers. You get the idea. But anyway, back to LSU being overrated...I believe they are a really good team with talent (and yes, speed) everywhere. But they are beatable. Rhetorical statement, I realize, being that they did lose two games this season, but I just mean I don't fear them. Their passing game is nothing special; Matt Flynn is just a guy. Ditto for the running game. It's not bad--in fact Jacob Hester is a nice player--but he's not someone who keeps you up at night. And that's all I mean...LSU is beatable.


Another thing I'm tired of hearing is how the long layoff will doom OSU, just as it did last year. This is funny, because it didn't seem to affect them when they won BCS games in '98, '02, '03 and '05. I hate stupid people.


These are my slightly off-the-radar guys I'm predicting to have monstrous games Monday night.

Cameron Heyward: Heyward, despite being a true freshman is probably already one of the ten best DEs in all of college football. I truly believe that. He was a beast from day one and only got better as the season went along. And all you hear about him is how hard he works and how great of a kid he is. Just imagine how much he improved with the extra practice leading up to Monday. Write it down, the nation will be stroking Cameron Heyward come Tuesday morning.

Anderson Russell: Russell is hands down my favorite player on the defense. I hate describing guys with the cliched "playmakers" moniker, but Jesus, that's the best way to describe No. 21. He's the kind of guy you can watch for five plays and say, "Now there's a smart football player." He will be ready for LSU. I promise.

(Note about Russell: I hate nicknames. Well kind of. Look, you will never EVER hear me call Chris Wells "Beanie" or Brian Robiskie "Robo." I just think it's gay. But what is undoubtedly gayer is that I call Anderson Russell "Andy Russell" even though no one else calls him that. I have issues.)

Ray Small: I've been singing this guy's praises for too long with little results. I really can't figure out why this is, other than Small may be a front-runner who excels under the spotlight. If this is true, which I sort of feel like it is, Monday could be a big night for Small if Tressel unleashes him against the unsuspecting Tigers. As I've stated before, Small is really the only guy on the roster who can shake a defender and take one 85 yards to the crib. Ohio State needs Ray Small to make a few HOLY SHIT plays Monday.


Listen, there's no need for me to go on and on about Tressel. I believe him to be--at worst--a top 3 coach. And I believe he will have his troops ready for battle. As for Les Miles, I was crushed when he didn't take the Michigan job. He's not necessarily an awful coach, but I do find him to be wildly overrated. I mean, how else do you explain last year's LSU team losing not once but twice? His offense featured the No. 1 pick of the draft (Jammy Russell), a running game that was better than this year's attack and two wide receivers that went in the first round (Dwayne Bowe and Craig Davis.) That's all-world talent, people, and that was just the offense! The defense featured current stars Glen Dorsey and Tyson Jackson, plus top 10 pick Laron Landry and a few other guys I'm probably forgetting. The point is that I've rarely seen that much talent on a football field and yet they managed to lose twice. Let's just say that if Jim Tressel coached that team--in any conference--there's no effing way they lose a game, much less two. You'll see Monday night what I'm talking about.

A few more things about LSU before wrapping this puppy up with a prediction...

I am terrified of Glen Dorsey. He was football's best player before he went down--better than Tim Tebow. The guy warranted a double and sometimes triple team on every play. If Vernon Gholston is great, Glen Dorsey is un-fucking-believable. Here's to hoping he's not 100 percent for the big game...

LSU safety Craig Steltz is overrated; he preys on bad teams and struggles against good ones. The guy gets beat over the top all the time and thankfully, Jim Tressel knows this. Double thankfully, the semi-crappy Todd Boeckman is an above-average deep-thrower.

I haven't seen mock drafts, but if LSU DE Tyson Jackson isn't projected in the top half of round one I'm missing something. With Dorsey or without, Jackson is an animal coming off the edge. Kirk Barton will have his hands full with America's most underrated player.


Before giving my predicted score let me say that I feel strongly about one thing: Boeckman will connect with Robiskie for a bomb early in the game--a bomb that will give the Bucks an early lead that they'll never relinquish. There is no reason for me to feel this way other than I do. This might be illogical, I know, but I'm telling you...this is going to happen. I feel it. I wish I could place a wager on this. But anyway, I see a higher scoring game than most realize. Like...

Ohio State 30, LSU 21

Was this column fun for you?

Oh wait, just one more thing before I let you go...

I received an email about a week ago from a grammatically-challenged dope named Daniel S. I was going to post the entire email in this space until I realized there was no point. But, I will say that he did make an accurate (and hilarious) comparison that scared the living crap out of me.

Daniel S. compared Todd Boeckman to Ken Dorsey...with AIDS.

In all my life that might be the best comparison that anyone anywhere has ever made. Even though I already knew Boeckman was shaky, this email made me realize how much. Damn you, Daniel S. Damn you!

That's all for now, boys and girls. Keep checking back during the big game. I might just get a hair up my ass and do some in-game blogging. Either way, I'll have a post-game reaction for y'all.

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Steelers-Jags: Mike Tomlin Blew It

Boys and girls, I just watched one of the five best Wild Card games of all time, and maybe the second best, behind (of course) the Frank Reich game.

There's only one little problem.

Mike Tomlin choked.

The Steelers have their head coach to blame for Saturday's loss to the Jaguars. When they got the ball back with just under four minutes remaining, Mike Tomlin decided to take his foot off the gas with the old run-run-run on 1st, 2nd and 3rd down strategy that almost never works. And I don't care if they were protecting a 29-28 lead or not, they had stormed back from an 18-point deficit with a passing attack that couldn't be stopped. Like, you know, it was unstoppable and stuff.


This crap kills college basketball teams all the time. It goes a little something like this: Team A is crushing Team B. Team B decides to play small ball. Team B forces a bunch of turnovers, grabs the momentum and roars back to take a late lead. Team B then changes offensive philosophy and attempts to bleed out the clock with Dean Smith's four corners approach. The result? Team B either hangs on for dear life and eeks out a win or blows the game completely. Regardless, it's always a bad idea. Always.

Listen, Ben Roethlisberger is a great QB. Probably the third best in the league at the moment. If Tomlin would have put the game in Roethlisberger's hands we'd likely be talking about Pittsburgh's remarkable comeback, and not David Garrard's mad dash on 4th & 2.

Mike Tomlin failed tonight in his biggest test as an NFL head coach. I'm right about this.

As for other NFL things's, I didn't deliver a Lock of the Millennium yet, which I'm sure has been bugging the piss out of you. So relax, or shutup, or whatever, because here goes nothing...

NFL Lock: San Diego-Tennessee OVER (39)

My record now stands at 18-15, and if my San Diego-Tennessee pick comes through, and if OSU covers Monday night (please God, or Jesus, or whoever, let this happen), I'm now looking at 20 wins against 15 losses. Not bad when you consider I started off 5-9. And since I'm all of the sudden a wizard at picking games against the spread, I will continue this fun little hobby for the remainder of the basketball season.

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (

Friday, January 4, 2008

I Can't Believe It...

Natlie Imbruglia's getting divorced.


-Brad Spieser (

Thursday, January 3, 2008

My Interviewing Skills Might be Okay

Just interviewed one of my heroes and I'm not sure the sound quality is worthy of this website. I'll fill you in later.

I hate everybody. Including you! (exclamation point)

-Brad Spieser (

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Najeh Davenport Changed My Life

Tuesday night, as I was watching the Georgia-Hawaii murder with Craig, for some reason we started talking about the famous "Najeh Davenport pooping in some girl's dorm room" story. We weren't exactly sure what happened that night, but Craig quickly got a buddy on the phone who knew quite a bit about the subject.

And boy did he ever.

Not only did he tell us that Davenport took a dump in a girl's dorm room laundry basket. Not only did he tell us that it took place at some place called Barry University. But he also told us...hang on this is really funny and it deserves two taps of the Enter button...

He also told us that if you go to Barry University's Wikipedia page and scroll down to the "Recognition" section, you will see three things mentioned. The first two are some crap about Barry University being a good school.

The third? Take a guess...

"Barry University is also home to the infamous Najeh Davenport incident. Before entering the NFL, Najeh Davenport was accused of defecating in a woman's laundry basket in her dorm room closet."

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (