Thursday, November 19, 2009

Headed To Vegas!


I was awake for a total of nine hours on Tuesday.

It's a very real possibility that I won't sleep a total of nine hours for the next four days.

Reason? Nevada.

It would be an understatement to say that I'm excited about traveling to te desert.

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As is always the case when I travel (especially to Nevada), I'm a little behind as far as this site is concerned. Before I left, I desperately wanted to write about Brandon Jennings and Cameron Heyward and Mike Zimmer and how much I hate white people, but that just ain't gonna happen. I still have to purchase mini-toiletries and lip balm and chewing gum. And, of course, I need to remind myself not to forget my cell phone charger and an extra wife beater. (And should I bring a fancy pair of trousers?)

As you can plainly see, I'm a little stressed at the moment.

Plus, I have to leave for work in a few minutes.

**********

So, because I'm predictably behind on my day, there will be no Vickers picks this weekend. Sadly. And I'm not bringing my Dell computer on the trip, either. However, I will document every single sports wager I make over the course of the weekend -- and try to estimate how much I risked at various gaming tables -- and I think you'll soon find that I'm the walking definition of "degenerate."

I promise you: This will blow your mind.

I promise you: You will lose respect for me in less than one week.

Wish me luck!

**********

Mom,

I love you.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/19/09

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Bengals Can Win The Super Bowl! No, Seriously


Things are happening with these Bengals. Yes, they are. Things. Happening. Like, winning in a way we've never really seen before. And by "we've," I mean me. And by "before," I mean since I was nine. The Bengals are playing a boring brand of football, but it's legitimate. No smoke, no mirrors. The Bengals are freaking good, and dare I say it...Super Bowl Contenders.

Raise your hand if you want my thoughts on the current state of Cincinnati's professional football team? That's what I thought...

1. I get the feeling that the Larry Johnson signing is viewed positively, and I'm not really sure why that is. For one (and most importantly), he might not be any good. Over his last 483 carries, dating back to game 1 of the '07 season, Johnson's averaged 3.7 yards per carry. For deux, is he really needed? The Bengals next three games are against Oakland, Detroit and Cleveland, and the Bengals will be overwhelming favorites in each. So, I know Cedric Benson is a little banged up, and I know Bernard Scott can't fully be trusted, but my Aunt Dorothy could be the Bengals' starting RB for those games and they'll still likely be 10-2. For three, he's a dumb jackass, and he always has been, dating back to his days at Penn State. The dude is a frontrunner -- which can be okay -- but the second things aren't going his way, he becomes a cancer of epic proportions.

The Larry Johnson move might end up being a smart move, and it may be of no consequence. But I just feel as if the whole thing was completely unnecessary. Why risk screwing up perfect chemistry??

2. Chad Ochocinco was once one of the more brilliant deep threats in American football, and then he wasn't. Why is that? To the best of my knowledge he's still capable of blowing by defenders; in fact, every highlight of one of Ochocinco's receptions shows DBs still very much on their heels when chasing No. 85 around. I know he's still got it, and I'm guessing the rest of the team knows he's still got it. So, why -- with Chris Henry out for the season -- isn't Ochocinco being sent deep several times each game (or rather, why isn't Carson Palmer attempting deep passes more frequently)? It seems to me that I'm more concerned with this than others-----trust me, this will be an issue come playoff time. Look at it this way: Even without Henry, the Bengals have the personnel to go deep, and are more or less refusing to unleash that weapon. Doesn't that seem silly to you? Plus, merely trying a deep ball is almost as important as connecting on one. It softens up the defense. And what about the possibility of pass interference...

3. Why aren't we hearing more about the progress being made by first rounder Andre Smith? This could mean he's not making any, but I choose to believe it's simply because the Bengals are winning football matches with greater regularity than in recent years. Whatever the case, isn't it nice to envision a scenario where Andre Smith works his way into (at the minimum) obvious-running-down shape? Let's not forget, he's probably the best lineman on the team (and unquestionably the most talented). Nobody ever said the guy didn't love football, or play his ass off at Alabama. Smith's red flags included dealings with an agent (and other knuckle-headedness), weight concerns and is he an effective pass-blocker?

But if he's fit enough to play -- and if his repaired foot isn't at risk -- Smith can be a major asset in the running game come January. If nothing else, the Bengals basically get an extra first round pick next season.

Speaking of January, let's talk about February, the month that features Super Bowl XLIV, a game the Bengals are worthy of competing in...

I'm serious, people.

4. The Bengals really are contenders for the big prize, and it's for reasons I never could have imagined. Namely, defense.

5. In case my eyes are deceiving me, Brandon Johnson is a Pro Bowl linebacker. He's versatile and fast and smart and he makes plays all over the field. And...Jesus, I love watching that guy play.

6. In case my eyes are deceiving me, Jonathan Fanene is the best defensive end I've seen wear a Bengals uniform.

And you know what? Marvin Lewis deserves a ton of credit for this. Through his first three professional seasons (05-07), Fanene played in twenty-one of a possible forty-eight contests, recording 12 tackles and 1 sack. As a player who was making very little money, Fanene was injured much too often to ever be counted on. Most of the time, these sort of players get cut. But Lewis saw something (probably practice-field dominance), and keeping Fanene on the roster could go down as the best decision Marvin Lewis ever made.

I see Fanene as a dominant force at defensive end -- a guy who plays all three downs and is just as effective against the run as he is against the pass. And I would love to say this surprises me, but it kind of doesn't. At some point during the '06 season, I was discussing all-things Bengal with Dave Laphman, and for whatever reason Fanene's name came up. Lapham told me Fanene was unblockable in practice -- and off-the-charts strong (this led to a conversation about Samoan strength being a different type of strength, but anyway) -- and that Marvin Lewis (a guy who has no tolerance for oft-injured players) was willing to look past the neverending stream of injuries that kept him out of game after game for those first few seasons.

Again: Unproductive 7th round picks are not allowed to be injured; they're disposable. If you can't stay healthy, I'll find someone who can. But Lewis saw something in Fanene, and now he's developed into a force on America's most underrated unit.

7. In case my eys are deceiving me, Domata Peko is the Bengals' best defensive tackle since Tim Krumrie shattered his leg. This is mostly by default, but still.

8. In case my eyes are deceiving me, Leon Hall and Johnathan Joseph are in the discussion for "Best corner tandem in the NFL." You got another duo playing at a higher level? Do you? I don't.

9. In case my eyes are deceiving me, Morgan Trent is good enough to start for half the teams in the league.

10. In case my eyes are deceiving me, 6'7 Michael Johnson's best pass-rushing move on Sunday was to duck under Steelers left tackle Max Starks. And because it's the Bengals, and because it's 2009, it worked! On multiple occasions!

11. Do I need to keep going?

Look, the defense is good. Really good. They have space eaters and quarterback molesters and instinctive linebackers who chase everyone down. The DBs don't always corral the catchable balls, but they almost always knock them down. I don't see a single weakness on this unit, and there is nothing gimmicky or phony about them, which is why they can win the Super Bowl.

And I'll keep repeating the line until I convince myself it's a possibility...

The Bengals can win the Super Bowl!

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/18/09

Monday, November 16, 2009

Belichick Goes For It On 4th Down; People Overreact


Scene.

"It was the worst coaching decision I've ever seen Belichick make."

-Rodney Harrison

The quoted man above said these words last night on NBC's postgame show. Harrison also said something about Belichick sending a message to his young defense that he has no confidence in them.

Uhh...no. It means that he has no confidence in his young D against a bloody hot Peyton Manning...in Indianapolis...on a Sunday night.

It means that he has plenty of confidence in Tom Brady, only one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time, to move the ball two yards on the game's most critical play.

That makes sense, don't it?

Don't it?

Besides, not getting the first down did not ensure a Colts victory; it merely put them in a better position to prevail. Remember, the Colts were trailing by six, not two. Even after the Pats botched the 4th & 2, the Colts were probably no better than a 50/50 shot to win. I know a Colts win seemed inevitable (and count me among those who figured Manning would close it out), but the Patriots still had a great shot to walk out of there with a win.

So, would I have punted? Probably, yeah (but maybe not).

Regardless, it was nowhere near the coaching blunder everyone is making it out to be.

Fact: If Kevin Faulk doesn't juggle Brady's pass, the sports world is stroking Belichick for having the onions to go for it on their own 28-yard line.

I hate people.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/16/09

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Gambling: Season Two, Episode 12 (Hating My Unborn Offspring)

Feeling less than superb this morning. In related news, I want to die. In related news, I hope the world ends the second after I die. In related news, that means I don't care about the lives of my great grandchildren's great grandchildren. In related news, my great grandchildren's great grandchildren were probably headed for drug addiction, anyway.

"I love me some me."

-Terrell Owens and other blacks (and maybe whites).

Saturday Vickers...

Put $100.00 on this: USC (-10.5) vs. Cardinal of Stanford, California

And then put $150.00 on this: TCU (-21) vs. Utah Runnin' Utes

And then put $300.00 on this: Duke (+13.5) vs. Rambling Wreck

And then put $300.00 on this: Central Florida (+4.5) vs. Houston Fighting Klinglers

And then count your money.

And then play in traffic.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/14/09

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Tall Kid, Changing Skin Color, Mormon Beater, Etc.

Not one, not two, but three different stories have literally kept me glued to the television and/or computer over the past ten days. Literally. Glue.

And the stories? (1.) The 7'4 football playing middle-schooler; (2.) Sammy Sooser becoming a honkey overnight; (3.) That crazy lady who beat up a few dozen Mormons over the course of a ninety-minute collegiate soccer match.

See for yourself:












Technology!

-Brad Spieser (
Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/10/09

Ochocinco + Paterno = Me Laughing


Chad Ochocinco was a guest on Collin Cowherd's radio program today. For reasons you'll soon understand I found the following exchange fascinating:

Cowherd: By the way, Chris Henry broke his arm; how does that change things for
you?

Ochocinco: Oh man. Dude, dude, dude, I was in tears on the field. I
was in tears on the field, man. That is a big blow to our offense. That is an
enormous blow to our offense. To lose someone of that magnitude is really
upsetting. But we have to find a way. We have people that are going to have to
step up, step up and play. You know, we got Jerome Simpson, we have Qui ... uh,
Quincy, Quincy...uh...Crosby. He's going to have to step up and play ball...

For the record, the man's first name is Quan, not Quincy. His last name is Cosby, not Crosby.

And I know you expect me to pile on Ochocinco, or wonder what was going through Cosby's mind while this unfolded, but mostly I'm thinking about old people.

Over the weekend I was watching the Ohio State-Penn State contest with my buddy Kevin, and we couldn't get enough of Joe Paterno. Every screen shot of Penn State's soon-to-be 83-year-old head coach generated laughter and entertaining conversation. We talked about his measly salary, the fact that he doesn't wear a headset, how much he probably needs to pee during games, the time he sprinted to the restroom during a game, his maniacal behavior at pep rallies, does he even coach the team, etc.

But the conversation always came back to one question: If you were to line up Penn State's 85 scholarship players in street clothes, how many first and last names would Joe Paterno nail with no hesitation?

Kevin and I never really answered the question, but I think Ochocinco just did. Since training camp, Cosby and Ochocinco have spent hundreds and hundreds (and hell, maybe thousands) of hours together-----not just on the same team, but in WR meetings and drills together. I'm talking the closest of close quarters, since the beginning of August, and yet Ochocinco butchered the man's first and last name on national radio.

A. That's funny.

B. The Bengals selected
Jerome Simpson over DeSean Jackson.

C. What's your best guess-----how many of the current 85 Nittany Lions on scholarship does Joe Paterno know by name? Is there any way the number is higher than forty? I say no.

Please email me your answers.

-Brad Spieser (
Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/10/09

Monday, November 9, 2009

Ochocinco Caught The Pass Before He Bribed The Ref!


Okay, everybody's making a big deal about Chad Ochocinco bribing an official, and yeah, it was funny. But what about the lousy call that preceded said bribe?

In case you missed it...

Ochocinco caught the pass near the sideline, inbounds, and was correctly credited with a catch.

Baltimore challenged.

Play overturned. Incomplete pass. Bengals punt. Ravens keep alive slim chance of winning. I punched my nephew until he fell asleep.

For those who didn't miss it (and subsequently disagree with me)...

Yes, the pass was a complete. Watch for yourself (pay attention at the 0:21 mark):



Left foot down, right foot...down. And it was down. His heel hit inbounds before his toes came down out of bounds-----and the moment his heel touched down in the field of play it was a completed pass.

Think of it in terms of a tippy-toed, tight-roping sideline catch...

I ask you: Do WRs in those situations get 100 percent of both feet down inbounds? Of course not. Only the tips of their toes land in bounds, while the rest of their body (including the rest of their feet) crash down out of bounds. Okay...so what's the difference? I rest my case

1. I love being right.

2. Why am I the only living human being to mention this?

3. The referee who overturned this call should get suspended for, among other things, being a jackass.

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (
Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/09/09