Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I Need Your Help Finding My Future Wife

(I'm off work today, so keep checking back. And if you haven't already, scroll down and read my post from Saturday afternoon--the one that explains my brief absence last week)

I wrote these words Sunday Morning:

"Also, I expected to spend my Sunday morning writing more words than this but I'm pretty sure I just met my future wife. Seriously. No joke (I am not joking). She's perfect. Details to follow..."

Well, here are the highly anticipated details, boys and girls: As I was watching the end of ESPN Classic's replay of Saturday's Georgetown-UCONN match--to see how the ball even ended up in Roy Hibbert's hands twenty feet from the basket in such a key moment--I was completely blown away by something that took place immediately after the 7'2 giant swooshed in the game-winning trifecta.


During the timeout, ESPN's cameras showed us fans going crazy, and they focused on the girl on the right for nearly 3.632 seconds. Not only did she not seem obnoxious telling everyone--or no one in particular--that Georgetown was No. 1 (she must not use the AP rankings, but whatever), but she appeared to be one of the best minimal effort-looking ladies I'd ever seen (I'm into T-shirt-clad girls).

I was talking on the phone to Craig as this unfolded and I nearly had a petit mal seizure right then and there. I told him I was in love with this bouncy Georgetown student and I couldn't stop rewinding and re-watching her brief time on screen.

"She appeared to be looking right at me," I told him, "and it would now be my mission to find this creature and ask her if she'd like to spend the next fifty years with me."

Craig called me a faggot a few hundred times but I didn't let his hurtful words dissuade me.

"No, no, no, you don't understand...she's perfect."

So perfect, in fact, that I took several other pictures of her off of my paused television screen, which explains the clarity issues. Take a look...

See what I mean? Perfect. I bet she's good at math, too. And she's probably from somewhere else, effectively making her exotic, even if that somewhere else is Concord, New Hampshire. Anyway, how about one more?

Listen, I'm entirely sure my actions here are creepy. But the way I see it, everybody's a creep--I'm just the idiot who tells the world about it (even dudes in the Congo!). Creepy or not, I'm serious. I'm in love, and I need your help. If you know anyone who attends Georgetown--or perhaps much easier--if you know anyone who knows this girl, please help me out. Is she on MySpace? How about Facebook? I'm not on Facebook, but I would absolutely join for this person.

Get back to me, people; I have a mission to complete. First step: Peppering this story all over Georgetown message boards. Wish me luck.

Keep the change, you filthy animals.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)