I Want to Die (I Want to be a Dead Person)

People,

I'm sick. I'm sure it's nothing a triple dose of Robitussin won't cure, but in my world I practically have monkey pox.

Here's what I've done since I came home from work: nap; eat tuna; podcast; nap; eat spaghetti. And as I type these words all I want is to lay in my bed without brushing my teeth or washing my face. If any women (females between the age of 18 and 19) want to make me soup or cookies I will gladly accept--you can email me your best offer(s). The only thing keeping me from going night-night is what has become the most important thing in my life (I'll give you a hint: the important thing is a 6'10 African American playing amateur athletics in Kansas, America). It's worth mentioning that the Cowboys and Packers are currently battling for NFC supremacy and I hardly care; the SCORE ALERT feature on ESPN2's Bottom Line is enough for me. That's how much I enjoy watching this extremely tall fellow.

More...

His name is Michael Beasley--I'm sure you've heard of him. He plays power forward for Kansas State and he's one of the ten best college basketball players I've ever seen. This isn't a projection, either. If he doesn't get any better for the rest of his career in Manhattan, Kansas, I will still feel this way.

Jesus, I can't stop coughing.

That's it, I don't have it in me to write any more. This is because I'm a giant pussy. But Beasley is so good that I needed my prediction to get out there before the rest of the planet jumps on board. I hope to write more about Beasley soon, but let me briefly say this if that never happens: Stop comparing him to Derrick Coleman! Just because they are lefties with similar body types doesn't mean they're the same player. And even if they do have similar skill sets--which, okay, they do--the difference in heart-size makes the comparison a stupid one. Beasley, like Coleman, will be the No. 1 overall pick in the NBA draft. Beasley, unlike Coleman, will become an NBA superstar, and not a forgotten waste of talent.

No more words about my new man crush.

Podcasting update: I just posted a new podcast, and it's titled "craig visits the shrink every two weeks." It's a pretty good look into the mind of a man who needs serious professional help. Actually, that's not true, but it is six-plus minutes of semi-entertaining noise. And I will say that the funniest/insensitive line in the history of podcasting (possible hyperbole) is the last line of the podcast. Go listen, people. And send me soup, dammit.

Oh yeah, I also posted a new poll question. Probably the most important decision one could ever make. And if you think both choices are gross, then I think you're a dope.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/29/07