Minor League Baseball Players Play Baseball

I would love nothing more than to deliver you the best minor league updates around, but it's semi-impossible for me to follow through on this project. The reason? The websites for the Reds' minor league affiliates operate with no urgency. Apparently, updating box scores is about eleventh on their Things To Do list, right behind...Jesus, I can't think of another thing a minor league baseball website would actually have to do. Goddamn jerks.

Anyway, I was up fairly late last night. I watched One Shining Moment for the sixteenth straight year, ate three bowls of Grape Nuts Flakes, took a shower and made one last check of my computer machine: still no box scores. It was approaching 1:30 and I needed some shut-eye (which was basically an extended nap). I had to be awake at 6:00--which is the case on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays--making it unrealistic to think I'm going to throw away an hour of sleep a night just to write the following line: "Juan Francisco (age 20) did some shit. Ra!"

You see, it's not worth it. That is, most of the time it's not worth it. As for a compromise, all I can tell you is that I'll keep a close eye on the minors and update as much as possible. And I'll update this thing on the nights when I don't have a 6 a.m. alarm staring me in the eyeballs.

As for last night...

AAA Louisville: Jay Bruce (age 21) is back to being better than decent. He had a triple, a Jimmy Jackson and three runs batted in. Frickin' A!

AA Chattanooga: Average baseball players played a baseball game. Some team won and absolutely nobody cares.

High A Sarasota: Drew Stubbs (age 23) went 1-3 with a walk and two runs scored. These are the kind of stat lines that Stubbs rarely had last season. This year they're commonplace. That said, it would be nice to see Tim Lincecum in the rotation in lieu of Joshy Foggstein.

Juan Francisco (age 20) did some shit. Ra! By "some shit," I mean he had a double in four plate appearances.

Low A Dayton: Todd Frazier (age 22) went 1-2 with a double and two more walks. He's starting to remind me of a young Derek Jeter, only gooder.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
4/8/08