SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!

A few minutes ago, I was checking out PerezHilton.com (you know, because I'm a huge douche) and I stumbled across the "Quote of the Day" regarding 20 year old tennis star Maria Sharapova, courtesy of Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine:

"She wouldn't make any noise during sex. I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said 'it ruined her concentration'. It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny."

Look, I respect Adam Levine. Maroon 5's debut album Songs About Jane netted the group a Grammy Award, and probably sold 840 gazillion copies. It featured the single "She Will Be Loved", which a highly attractive woman has convinced me to karaoke with her on more than one occasion. Obviously, the man is talented. Starlets throw themselves at him and I don't begrudge him his good fortune, but the fact that he used to smash Sharapova disturbs me. It's probably because Maria Sharapova is a VERY pretty lady and a 6'2 / 160 lb former Wimbledon and US Open champion. Adam Levine, on the other hand, is a little pussy. It just doesn't add up.

Levine has previously been linked to Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson and Natalie Portman. Good for him. That's the way it should be. The Hollywood types can all go home from Les Deux together and bang until they have the same STD's for all I care. But Sharapova? If Sharapova and Levine were to get in the octagon and fight UFC style, I'd make Sharapova a -280 favorite. She would make that blue-eyed soul singing bitch tap out in no time, and that's why I can't see it. She could kick his ass.

Levine probably made that statement because he was afraid word would get out that he used to get roughed up in the sack by Sharapova, a la Hank Moody on Californication.

Cam Carey (8/19/07)