Thursday, October 4, 2007

We've Never Met, and I Hate You

You're an idiot if...

You use chopsticks to eat your Chinese food (unless your Chinese, then you're only half stupid).

Listen, you're not better than me, so stop acting as if that's the case. What purpose do chopsticks serve, anyway? The answer is THEY DON'T SERVE A FREAKING PURPOSE! Even if you're the guy who invented chopsticks, you will never be able to pinch as much food as I can shovel in with my fork. Basically, you're a stupid dummy--and don't bother rattling off some nonsense about culture, because really, when has that ever mattered, you dumb American?

Anyway, why don't people make a bigger deal out of this? I mean, using chopsticks in lieu of a fork is like rubbing two sticks together while the guy next to you has a Zippo.

I hate people. Especially you.

( update: I posted a new podcast ("is it okay for a man to sit down and pee"), and it's the funniest one yet. Please give it a listen and offer feedback.)

-Brad Spieser