Friday, October 5, 2007

The Best Video Ever...This Time I Mean It

Maybe you knew this, maybe you didn't...but I'm fascinated by giraffes. They are--without question--the awesomest animals in the history of animals. I am not kidding at all when I say that I've always wanted to be rich enough to afford a few giraffes for the ol' backyard (to give the kids something to play with, or whatever).

If asked to explain my obsession with these creatures, I'd probably struggle to find an answer, although I'd likely say something about their body shape (they're the Merton Hanks of the animal kingdom), and how they don't even remotely resemble any other animal. And that answer wouldn't satisfy you, so I'd go on to remind you of the giraffe sex picture I posted on the site a month ago. And I'd definitely tell you about the time a giraffe raced a world-class sprinter in Man vs. Beast, and how I watched it approximately 600 times before bedtime that night (and remember, that was pre-Tivo...I taped that sucker on VHS).

(Note: the Man vs. Beast video can be found later in the post).

So anyway, being that I love giraffes far more than any other animal, I have no explanation for why I've never searched "giraffe fight" on YouTube. Let me tell you, now that I've done just that, I can tell you with absolute life is complete.

Here's why:

1. Did you even know that giraffes had a mean bone in their bodies?

2. If you knew that YES was the answer to No. 1, did you know that that's how they fought, by violently whipping their necks into each other?

Going without a drink on a Friday night typically sucks, but this makes sobriety tolerable. Not unlike Josh Hamilton, giraffes are capable of anything.

Now for the aforementioned Man vs. Beast video (be sure to focus in on the giraffe's hind legs at the :07 mark):

Believe it or not, my intentions were not to show a video of fighting giraffes, but I really didn't have a choice. I'm sure you understand. The only sad thing about the giraffe video was that it prevented me from making fun of myself for my 3-5 record against the spread this season. It also kept me from writing about college football stuff, especially Ohio State. Which is why you get the abbreviated version of what was already going to be an abbreviated post.

Locks of the millennium (the new wrinkle will be unveiled next week):

NCAA: UCLA -22 vs. Notre Dame (I promise, this won't be the week where Notre Dame gets back on track. Also, Ben Olson goes nuts on ND's secondary. This has to be a 42-3 game, or else I don't know anything about college football)

NFL: Washington/Detroit OVER 46 (Jason Campbell throws for 4 TDs Sunday. Lock it.)

College football prediction that needs to be said in order to show off my intelligence: Come Saturday night, OSU Sophomore WR Ray Small will finally make a name for himself. He's been thisclose a handful of times, only to be slowed by an ankle injury and a concussion. Well, his ankle is healthy, his brain doesn't hurt, and he's ready to run past Purdue on a national stage.

In case you've forgotten, here's what I wrote about Ray Small in my preseason OSU post, on 9/4/07:

"Without Ray Small, who's nursing an ankle injury, this team cannot win a national title. Now, I only give OSU a slim chance to win it all this season anyway, but that hope can be directly attributed to Small's ability to make you miss and take it the distance. By my count, he's the only player on the offense with Ginn's ability to receive a one yard pass and take it 85 yards. He's the best kick/punt returner on the squad and his game-breaking potential will be desperately needed when Todd Boeckman is struggling through an 8-21 performance at Penn State. "

Ray Small has twelve career receptions--he's not even a starter--and yet I would be shocked if he isn't a star on Sundays.

You've been warned.

-Brad Spieser