Suicide Watch, Buckeye Joy, Funny (But True) Stories

Things happened over the weekend.

Friday...

Nebraska's jerk kicker ruined my life when he nailed a school-record 57-yard field goal to beat Colorado. If he misses this kick, Colorado wins their sixth game and I win all six of my college football futures bets - this isn't including my player props and longshot wagers, such as my semi-brilliant wager on Utah finishing undefeated in the regular season at 40/1 odds. Anyway, I was in my car listening to the Nebraska Radio Network on Sirius - although I'd counted Colorado as a win, and damn near spent the cash already, I needed to see the dead body for assurance - and this is the noise that ruined my day:

Nothing like losing $100 while hillbillies are yelling at you in your '98 Dodge Intrepid!

Saturday provided another dagger...

Another futures bet I made was Clemson RB CJ Spiller coming withing 100 rushing yards of his teammate James Davis. The end of the story is that Davis outgained Spiller by 113 yards. The Before That is why I'm on suicide watch. First, Spiller missed almost two games due to injuries. Second, Spiller is the much better player, and Clemson coaches foolishly treat them like equals (especially when factoring in receiving prowess). Heading into the final drive of the season - a game Clemson was handling arch-rival South Carolina, 31-14 - Spiller trailed Davis by...wait for it...99 GODDAMN YARDS! He missed nearly two games and received fifty fewer carries, and yet I was in a position to win with about three minutes left in the Tigers' season. James gained 17 yards on the final drive; Spiller, 3. See you later, $50.

From the prediction department...

I love projecting amateur players and comparing them to current stars, and I think I have a good one. (And yes, it's better than Fran Fraschilla stupidly comparing Blake Griffin to Amare Stoudemire.) After watching Oklahoma State every now and again for two years, I've come to the conclusion that Cowboys sophomore WR Dez Bryant has more than a little Anquan Boldin in him. Both are big, but look bigger (Boldin is listed at 6'1, 217 lbs.; Bryant, 6'2, 210 lbs.)...both are physical as hell...both are great after the catch without blazing speed...both prefer sweet and sour sauce with Wendy's chicken nuggets (I'm guessing)...both excelled on the college level as punt returners (translation: great feet)...both play with a mean streak.

Am I predicting Boldin-like production for Bryant at the next level? Of course not. But I wouldn't bet against Bryant becoming a star, either. Watch:

(Random thought while watching the Vikings-Bears game: Is Darren Sharper the most underrated player of this generation? The most underrated DB? Anyway, my sincerest apology for channeling Peter King.)

More importantly from Saturday...

Oregon State lost to Oregon, which means...

I'm using a lot of dot-dot-dots. It also means...

Fair or unfair, Ohio State appears to be headed to their sixth BCS game in eight years (including three title game appearances!). Not to be a dickhead, but try to remember that when you're complaining about Jim Tressel's play-calling (and I'm as guilty as anyone). The man is 7-1 against Michigan, and the future of the program is healthier than ever; the Terrelle Pryor era seems destined for a Heisman, a championship and more Big Ten dominance. Not terrible.

Sunday offered up two funny stories...

While watching football with my brother Eric and my buddy Frank, those two told hilarious, unrelated stories about seven minutes apart.

First, from Frank: When his dog goes bathroom during a neighborhood walk, Frank, my friend of twenty-plus years, bends over to pick up the fresh dump - complete with a plastic bag and a scooper - but it's all an illusion. You see, Frank goes through the motions, but he doesn't actually complete the act of picking up animal feces and transferring it to the bag. And you thought Peyton Manning was the master of the play-action.

Now, Eric's story: My brother, 30, has been a Marlboro Lights smoker for more than half his life. For whatever reason this became a topic of conversation today. Eric relayed a story from his high school days when Marlboro announced a $100 million recall (that's 8 billion cigs!) for faulty cigarettes that - among other things - caused dizziness. Well, the day the recall was announced coincided with Eric being fresh out of smokes. What followed is the least surprising thing you'll read today. As Eric strolled through the drive thru, he jokingly (I think) delivered the following request to the overweight clerk: "I need a pack of Marlboro Lights, the kind that make you dizzy."

The response: "You're the eighth guy to ask for them today."

God Bless Smokers! God Bless America!

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/30/08

Gambling 2K8: Chapter 48 (Ivy League Edition)

A 3-2 Saturday brings me that much closer to posting the season record. The NFL Vickers - and a bonus college hoops selections - are posted below...

Jets (-7.5) vs. Broncos

49ers (+6.5) at Bills

Panthers (+3) at Packers

Chargers (-6) vs. Falcons

Browns (+4.5) vs. Colts

***Bonus Round***

Cornell (-3) at Indiana

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/30/08

Gambling 2K8: Chapter 47 (Plax Has Bad Aim)***UPDATE***

I want to die. Some virus cleverly titled "Antivirus 2009" has taken hold of my computer.

Anyway, live from Mom and Dad's...Saturday Vickers...

College Football

NC State (+2) vs. Miami

La. Tech (+4.5) vs. Nevada

Oklahoma State (+7.5) vs. Sam Bradford's improving complexion

***UPDATE***Florida/Florida State UNDER (54.5)


College Hoops

Miami Redskins (+8) vs. Muskies

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/29/08

Gambling 2K8: Chapter 46 (NBA And Whatnot)

A quick thought before I give tonight's NBA Vickers: Why are LSU-Arkansas and Nebraska-Colorado the games played the day after Thanksgiving? Neither matchups are considered rivalries and both games feature teams (Arkansas and Colorado) who are hardly ever relevant nationally. You would think networks would push for top-flight games pitting powerhouse programs against one another, considering the lack of games this weekend. That is all.

The NBA Vickers...

T'Wolves (-2) at Thunder

Words: The 3-10 T'Wolves are road favorites? Really? I know Ok. City stinks, but Vegas just confirmed it.

Grizzlies (+10) at Spurs

Things: With Manu back, the Spurs are finally rounding into shape. The Grizz...that's another story. They've lost their last four by 15, 9, 13, 17...and the "13" was to the Spurs...and the score doesn't indicate what a blowout it was...and the game was in Memphis...and it was Manu's first game back...and the Spurs should win this sucker by 20+.

Blazers (-5) vs. Hornets

Stuff: Five just seems like 2-3 points too high. Plus, the Hornets are better. That should count for something, right?

Record: Be patient, my people.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/28/08

Gambling 2K8: Chapter 45 (Gaining Momentum)

(How goddamn great is that giraffe picture?)

Return of the Vickers...

Northwestern (+4) at Butler

Things: Butler is always good. Always. Northwestern is always bad. Always. So bad, in fact, that they've never made the NCAA tournament. So please, Las Vegas, explain to me why this spread is so tiny...

North Carolina (-11) vs. Notre Dame***game played in Hawaii

Stuff: The No. 1 Tar Heels are favored by eleven points on a neutral court against the No. 8 Irish. Read that again.

T'Wolves (+4) vs. Suns

Words's: Phoenix is 10-5, and has star power on their side; Minnesota is 3-9, with a roster full of relative nobodies. I can't imagine a soul in Vegas betting on the T'Wolves tonight.

Season record: Inching towards respectability.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/26/08

Bob Knight Is Just Like Everyone Else

Actual words out of Bob Knight's mouth after a black player for Washington fouled Florida white boy Nick Calathes:

"Calathes is sneaky quick. He drew a foul from a guy who looks like he should be quicker than Calathes is..."

Looks like?

Listen, some guys do look like better athletes than their opponents - Rudy Gay could walk by you in his uniform at 1.0234 MPH and you'd instantly think he was the best athlete on the planet; you wouldn't have to watch him run or jump - but that is not the case with the gentleman who fouled Calathes; his appearance didn't suggest he was anything more than a run-of-the-mill Division I basketball player.

That is all.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/25/08

Gambling 2K8: Chapter 44 (Tuesday Night Hoops)

The Vickers pick...

Washington (+6) vs. Florida***game played in Kansas City

Words: Since Brandon Roy and Co. departed Washington has drifted back into irrelevance. Washington has either been average or lousy the past two seasons,and the 08-09 season appears headed towards lousy. The Huskies opened the season with a loss to Mighty Portland State and they were pounded last night against Kansas, a team comparable to Florida. This line is too damn small. The Gators should homicide Washington's faces tonight; our cash is on the Fighting Lorenzo Romars.

Season record: Getting better, but not ready to be posted.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/25/08

Vegas...

Just got home from Vegas. Barely alive. Not completely broke. Vickers made a comeback. No girls removed their clothes in front of me. Craig is a jerk. Brad is a jerk. Brad drank blueberry vodka at an alarming rate. Other words. Full write-up coming soon. I'm hoping for Tuesday.

Good night.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/24/08

Gambling 2K8: Chapter 43 (Headed To Vegas)***UPDATE***

Believe it or not, I still have faith in the Vickers System. the last two football weekends have been dreadful - we're now under .500 - but I still have faith. That's no bullshit, either. I know in my heart we're doing the right thing by betting unconventionally. We need to tweak a thing here or there, but the system is here to stay.

But I'm going to Vegas this weekend.

And again, we lost our ass the last two weekends.

So...no matter how strong my faith is in the system, it's hard to remove that taste from my mouth. The line of thinking should be, "Our system - and Vegas - has taken a beating the last two weekends, and it probably won't happen for a third; let's stick with Vickers for one more week.

But I'm a degenerate, on my way to the degenerate capital of the world. How in the hell will I be able to stay disciplined in Vegas with the recent past fresh in my mind?

We'll see. My goal - but it's by no means a promise - is to document every sports wager I make in my three days in Vegas. I have plenty to choose from, too: The last full week of regular season college football, the first full week of college hoops, the NFL and NBA have full slates and Vegas is hosting a rather large bout involving British fighter Ricky Hatton and his psychotic fans (video below). It'll be a miracle if I return home alive.

The NCAA Vickers picks...

Georgia Tech (-3) vs. Miami
Temple (-10.5) vs. Eastern Michigan
Tennessee (+3) at Vandy
Marshall (+9.5) at Rice
Oklahoma (-7) vs. Texas Tech
Nevada (+7) vs. Boise Murdering Murderers
Penn State (-16.5) vs. Michigan State

NFL Vickers...

Bengals (+11.5) at Steelers
Bears (-7.5) at Rams
Vikings (+2.5) at Jags
Raiders (+9) at Broncos

Season record: Look it up yourself, dickead!

The Alan Cutler podcast will be posted later tonight.***UPDATE***The Cutler podcast is up and running***For now, enjoy the insanity that follows Ricky Hatton - this happened 11 months ago...in America!):

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/20/08

Unrealistic Movie Scene (Jack Black)

Going to Vegas before the sun comes up on Friday...

Currently in the middle of a twenty-hour work day...

Trying to tie up some loose ends before bedtime Thursday, like...

The super terrific Alan Cutler podcast, which I'll definitely post before exiting Cincinnati...

In the meantime, two unrealistic performances from Jack Black: Airborne and The Cable Guy.

Did you ever think a guy like Jack Black would ever play some combination of a jock/bully/popular guy in any movie, much less two? Okay, so he wasn't exactly a bully in the semi-underrated Cable Guy, but he was concerned that Jim Carrey's character might not have the level of skill to play in the game.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/19/08

The Joy Of Shouting At Loved Ones!

The issues with my computer were so bad a few weeks ago that the screen would go black if a stiff breeze came through the window. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but really, even the gentlest of touch would set it off, resulting in a loss of unsaved data. Craig knew this, or so I thought, and still touched my computer during the middle of a semi-promising recording session. Luckily, the screen didn't crap out, and now you gets to hear all about it in our marginally riveting podcast, "Shouting Match--Social Anxiety--Frustration With Radio."

Craig's seemingly harmless act (beginning 52 seconds into the podcast) kicked off an entertaining - yet genuine - shouting match that lasted three and a half minutes. ESPN (both radio and TV) can't go ten minutes without a contrived shouting match, but everyone - I hope - sees right through it. I am not Skip Bayless. I am not Mark May.

This podcast actually extends beyond the shouting match - hence the long title - and it's really worth listening to. Such as...Craig opens up about the nightmares of Social Anxiety Disorder; he's easily the most complex human being I'll ever know. Also, the conversation, as it so often does, turned to radio, and how Craig is one of the more talented people I met in my eight years of radio. This portion of the podcast will be interesting to anyone who listens to local radio, for a few reasons: Craig and I mention several prominent names - guys we know personally - and I reveal the one thing about radio that leaves me bitter.

(It's also worth noting that Craig tells a great story about a DJ in Cleveland giving out his number on the air.)

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/18/08

Young Black Men Knocking Boots With Successful White Women!

1. Do you feel sorry for black girls with skinny butts?

2. Do you think a 19-year-old black male working at Arby's has ever had intercourse with a white 38-year-old lawyer?

3. Do racial stereotypes bother you?

Regardless of your answers to the previous questions - although I'm assuming you answered (1.) no, (2.) probably and (3.) secretly no - I'd like you to listen to our latest podcast, "Feeling Sorry For Black Girls With Skinny Butts."

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/17/08

The Most Underrated Buckeye Of All Time

A few months back, over on the Hineygate board, a thread was created to discuss the most underrated player in OSU history. Since this topic was invented for a psycho like me, I actually gave my $0.02 (a rarity for me). I can't recall my list of players (although, in an attempt to sound smart, I probably referenced Joe Cooper and Brent Johnson), but I'm here to revisit the topic...and set the record straight.

Will Allen is the most underrated player in Ohio State history (or at least in my lifetime).

And with Michigan only days away, I can't help myself from thinking back to the glorious conclusion of the 2002 regular season, a 14-9 heart attack over the Wolverines...

Allen, a junior in '02, made a habit of making clutch plays in his time at Ohio State. Let's count the ways...

2. BCS Championship Game vs. Miami - Will Allen destroys Willis McGahee's knee. This is the hardest I've ever cheered after an injury (Rob Reynolds choking out Jim Sorgi is No. 2). Related note: I'm going to hell.

3. 2003, San Diego State game - The Aztecs, a 32-point underdog, with a 1st & Goal from the Buckeye 5, appeared to be headed to a 14-3 lead on No. 2 Ohio State until Allen returned a pick 100 yards for a touchdown...in a contest the Bucks held on to win 16-13.

The very next week...

4. Triple OT vs. Phil Rivers and NC State - As Wolfpack RB T.A. McLendon looked to be headed for the end zone on 4th & Goal, Will Allen stopped him inches shy of the goal line to preserve the 44-38 win.

Not bad for a guy who only started for one year.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/17/08

Say A Prayer For My Friend

1. I have a friend named Kevin.

2. I have a friend named Kevin who nearly blew the brains out of the back of his skull this weekend.

3. I have a friend named Kevin who nearly blew the brains out of the back of his skull this weekend as a result of unimaginable luck.

He sent me the following text message at 9 a.m. Saturday: USC-Stanford...worst loss ever.

I called back thirty minutes later to receive the gory details. (Note: After Lord Brian's two-week letdown I didn't have interest in late-night Pac-10 football.)

Here's all you need to know: Kevin had all his cash on USC, who was 23-point favorite. With three seconds remaining, the Trojans held a 28-point lead, at 45-17. Stanford, after moving down to the USC 18 yard line, decided to kick a meaningless (to the outcome and the pointspread) field goal. Pete Carroll, in a very dickheadish move (legitimate journalists call it gamesmanship), decided to freeze Stanford's kicker. Jim Harbaugh, the Cardinal's head coach/red ass, called Carroll's bluff and sent his offense on the field.

Touchdown. USC 45, Stanford 23. Game over. Stanford cover. Suicide pondered immediately.

I can't say I've heard of many - if any - losses worse than that.

As a bettor, sometimes you just know. I didn't watch the game, and I failed to ask Kevin about the feeling in his stomach during that sequence, but I have to believe he assumed the absolute worst.

Of course, that only contributed to half of his disastrous weekend...

Guess who called me three times a little after 7 p.m. Sunday? Guess why? I'll give you 84 guesses, but you'll likely need just one...

I finally talked to Kevin after the third call (I asked him who died), and he asked me if I saw the bullshit at the end of the Steelers-Chargers game. Needless to say, he bet on the Steelers (-4.5), and thought he had a miracle cover.

I just went back and listened to his voicemail after the first missed call, and - no joke - this is what he said:

"Karma rules, because how bad the USC loss was last night, Troy Polamalu just saved my ass with that touchdown with no time on the clock."

Gambling sucks. Gambling is awesome.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/17/08

Andre Ware + Ron Zook + Chris Wells = Good Times!

My apologies for the excessive parentheticallness of the following post...

A brief recap of Ohio State's 30-20 win over Illinois Saturday:

1. ESPN color commentator Andre Ware said Brian Hartline had "deceptive speed." Didn't see that coming.

2. Ron Zook made Marty Mornhinwheg look like a genius. Explain. With under 6 minutes remaining in the 3rd quarter, Illinois trailing Ohio State 23-13, and with a 4th & 9 from the Buckeye 37 yard line, Ron Zook decided to punt. The right play, obviously. The Illini coverage unit downed the ball at the 1 yard line, where Terrelle Pryor would be forced to work out of their end zone. But wait...five yard penalty on the Bucks...which would give a desperate Illinois team (one win away from bowl eligibility) a shot at a long field goal (to make it a one possession game) or a makeable 4th & 4 (in a road game they'd been manhandled). So what did recruiting wizard (but semi-awful game coach) Ron Zook elect to do? He kept the play, of course (and Andre Ware praised him!), even though his defense isn't any good. And it didn't work in his favor (which had no bearing on me typing these words).

Axe yourself one question: Can you imagine Mike Leach doing something like this? I rest my case.

3. Chris Wells jumped over a human wearing mostly orange laundry (but his initial cutback/burst - at 237 lbs. - is the reason scouts drool over No. 28).

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/16/08

Gambling 2K8: Chapter 42 (No Comment)

Professional football wagers with assistance from an innovative system named for an unknown NASCAR driver...

Raiders (+10) at Dolphins

Falcons (6.5) vs. Broncos

Transition into unrelated topic...

My fear with the University of Cincinnati Bearcats basketball team for the upcoming season: While this is obviously the most talented team of the Mick Cronin era, I'm still fearing the worst. The reason? Point guard. Deonta Vaughn is a really good player - and I expect him to improve over the next two years - but he's not a point guard. Not even close. Forget the fact that he's not a good passer (although, how could you?), and try to think back to last year's Crosstown Shootout. Xavier pressured Vaughn every time he brought the ball up the court and - whether Lavender or Burrell were sicking him - he struggled to get the ball across halfcourt, much less set the offense.

So, without another healthy point guard, I'm expecting every opponent to harass Vaughn immediately the ball is inbounded.

Cronin's neglect in regards to recruiting PGs is really inexcusable. Cashmere Wright's injury was devastating, but where's the solid Juco backup? And if Wright suffers a setback, the Cats will have the same problem next year; no point guards were brought in for the 09-10 season, and scholarships are maxed out. Yippy!

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/16/08

Gambling 2K8: Chapter 41 (In Search Of Redemption)

I distinctly recall a moment in the fall of 1998 when a pleasnt thirty-something man slinging political buttons at a high school football game politely asked me if I'd like one. I took a button, immediately threw it on the ground and shouted, "I need one of these like I need a fucking hole in my head."

Is that a true story? Yes? Am I a jerk? Yes. Do I feel bad about that night? Not particularly.

But anyway, that's all I keep thinking about in regards to the Brian Vickers System...I need another bad weekend like I need a fucking hole in my head.

Last weekend was a disaster.

Bad weekends were bound to happen, but we didn't need Murphy's Law piling on. Had Alabama's kicker (a blocked chip-shot) and Sebastian Janikowski (hit the crossbar) made their field goals at the end of regulation, we'd have two more wins - and obviously, two more losses (not to mention $200 more in our account).

I had a miserable week. Those losses were the only thing on my mind and it kept me up at night. I never want to experience anything like that again. Please God, I'm begging you, give me AIDS before you give me another 2-9 weekend.

Anyway...

We hit our first college game, Miami over Ball State, but we're still in search of redemption. Vickers told us to bet on eight games, and winning six of 'em would help the healing process. The picks...

Louisville (+4) vs. UC

Words about things: You know how surfers who survive shark attacks always go back in the water once they've recovered? Well, that's me and Craig seemingly every week betting against the Bearcats. We lose a a chunk of flesh every week, but we keep going back in. And now we're forced to wager on a team who lost to the 'Cuse earlier this month.

Kansas (+14.5) vs. Texas

That's right: Kansas is what they is...a slightly above average team who can't slow down superior talent. Oklahoma dropped 45 on the Jayhawks; Texas Tech, 63. I'm expecting the same output from Texas, which means the Fighting Manginos will have to score 35 Saturday to have a shot of covering. I don't like our chances.

Navy (+4) vs. Fat Arrogant Jerk Charlie Weis

Sentences: Collin Cowherd often tells people who are about to do something stupid to "say it out loud first." If it just sounds wrong, don't do it. Let me tell you, an average Navy team (coming off a six-point home victory vs. Temple) only getting four points (and the line opened at three) against any Notre Dame team, is ridiculous. Before last season - when it took Navy three overtimes to topple a dreadful Irish squad - Notre Dame hadn't lost to the Middies in almost half a century - there's a reason for that, and I call it talent. Speaking of talent, Notre Dame has more than they did last year, while Navy, with the loss of that Reggie Campbell midget, has less. Plus, the Domer faithful are calling for Weis' giant head on a silver platter, which should intensify the Irish's focus. More importantly, I can't see Navy beating ND in consecutive years. I'm hoping for a three-point loss, unfortunately.

Quick apology: I'm not sure why, but I never posted video of Weis tearing his ACL on the sideline of the Michigan game. In case you haven't seen it, and if you're in need of a hearty laugh, here goes (and be sure to view the full screen version)...

The Syracuse Shoot Me In The Heads (+10) vs. UConnecticut (nee UConn)

Things and stuff: When you take a ten-point dog, you have to feel like they have a shot at winning outright. With Syracuse, no way. They'll lose to UConnecticut, lose their next two and finish the season with two wins (including a nine-point blowout of I-AA Northeatern!). Like I said, shoot me in the head.

Cal (+3) AT Oregon State

I hate myself: One more week of this and Oregon State will join UC on the short list of teams I'm sick of betting against. Why Vegas doesn't give them respect is beyond me. They've covered six straight games (there wasn't a line on the Arizona State game), and none of them have really been close. Only Washington has come within seven points of covering against the Beavers since...wait for it...the first weekend of September! Armed with that knowledge, I'm clueless as to why Oregon State is only giving a field goal to a road team featuring QB Kevin Riley, who threw up the following stat line last week: 4-16, 51 yards, 1 INT and nothing resembling a TD.

San Jose State (+14.5) at Nevada

America: Did you watch Nevada last week in Fresno? They're good! Their QB and RB would start for Auburn tomorrow. I'm guessing they've battled injuries, because their 5-4 record makes no sense at all. The Boise Murdering Murderers come to Reno next week, and while I'm not calling for an upset, Nevada has the horses to play the perfect game and take them down. As for San Jose State, this is now our fourth consecutive game laying our hard-earned American dollars on them. We've lost the last three and I'm expecting the worst again on Saturday. The last two weeks I've complained about SJSU's inability to score - and they hit rock bottom last week, when 4-4 Louisiana Tech traveled to the west coast and held them scoreless. Yes, a shutout. A shutout! In the conference known for it's high-scoring games! The Wacky WAC! And Boise State wasn't involved! Again: San Jose State can't score points, and they play in a league where that's a prerequisite. They'll need 24-28 points on Saturday to even have a chance of covering.

Stanford (+23) vs. USC

Sports: Let's see...Stanford, as a 41-point road underdog, beat USC outright last year in maybe the greatest upset in college football history. I really don't see Stanford scoring a single point on Saturday as USC serves (or perhaps unleashes) a Big Bowl of Payback.

San Diego State (+30) vs. Utah

Death of me: The Aztecs have one win on the season, a two-point thrashing of Cal Poly. They can also tell their friends and relatives they only lost by 63 to the New Mexico Lobos, a team who now sports a 4-7 record. In other words, we're hoping for a Christmas miracle in Novemeber.

Wish us luck!

Last week NCAA record: 4-6
Overall Vickers record: 56-53-1

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/14/08

Promising Female Ruins My Evening

I spent one hour and fifty-two minutes last night speaking to a young lady on the telephone. And boy was she stupid. Not stupid in the sense that she lacked intelligence - she's 25-years-old and has three college degrees - but stupid in the sense that she doesn't drink alcohol.

She told me this, basically, as goodbyes were being exchanged.

Now, it's possible that I'll see this human again - after all, I'm not a gay guy - but she's like the Reds in mid-September: Eliminated from contention.

(And if you were wondering, yes, I told her about this very decent website, but her computer is being repaired at the moment. So, unless she checks the blog archives when she gets that sucker back, I feel pretty safe that she'll never find out my not-so-quiet secret.)

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/14/08

Did Jerrico Cotchery Make The Best Catch Ever?

Something like seven percent of the population is left-handed, so I'm going to go ahead and assume that Jerricho Cotchery is right-handed. Supposing that's true, I'm pretty sure he made the best catch I've ever seen last night.

Consider...the ball was in the air approximately 60 yards...Cotchery was fighting off Ellis Hobbs a millisecond before the ball arrived...his body was practically parallel to the Earth when he made the grab...but more importantly...he snatched the ball with his left hand and secured it tightly to his shoulder pad - he didn't have to use his right hand to keep it from squirting free.

It was the height of concentration and (especially) coordination, and Cotchery made it look routine. I've watched the video thirty times and I still can't believe the ball didn't pop out. (Of course, Cris Collinsworth and Bob Papa hardly acknowledged it.)

No disrespect to Tyrone Prothro, David Tyree, Brandon Lloyd and AJ Green, but Jerrico Cotchery just made the best catch I've ever seen. To quote Lloyd Dobler, "I'm totally and completely serious."

And yet, if I was a betting man, I'd place every nickel in my pocket that history will forget this play pretty quickly - for a few reasons:

1. The announcers didn't make a big deal out of it.

2. The game wasn't on ESPN.

3. Cotchery merely walked back to the huddle after the play.

Somebody get Steve Sabol on the phone.

(Anyone disagree? Seen a better catch? Email me.)

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/14/08

Unrealistic Movie Scene (The Program Revisited)

Zero. That's my guess. Here's the question: How many people with football knowledge helped write The Program?

Does it bother anyone else that Lattimer celebrates his place at the top of the depth chart by screaming, "YEAH BABY! STARTING DEFENSE! WOOO!"???

Starting defense? Really? The Program was set in the 1993, not 1945. I just find it impossible to believe that someone with even an ounce of football knowledge read a script that involved a 21-year-old screaming "YEAH BABY! STARTING DEFENSE!" and deemed it authentic.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/13/08

Unrealistic Movie Scene (The Program)

The following scene from The Program is the reason I started this gimmick, but I've been waiting for the right moment to post it. And what makes Thursday at 2:13 a.m. EST the right moment? Beats the hell out of me - but I took an Adderall far too late in the evening to even think about sleep. In case you were wondering, the alarm will first go off at 6:14 a.m. EST. My life is decidedly less than awesome. Anyway...

(I'm writing this under the assumption you've seen The Program upwards of sixty times like every other red-blooded human, although it doesn't matter if this is your first time.)

The scene on tap is Lattimer's near-rape of an average-looking coed, who probably checks in at less than 90 lbs.

I need you to focus on the 00:42 mark, right after Lattimer, in the acting performance of a lifetime, asks, "WHAT WERE YOU DOING, LEADING ME ON????!!!!????"

Sit back and enjoy Lattimer's attempted rape, and read my comments below the video:

1. You gotta admit, Lattimer was somewhat justified in his actions (she did go back to his room and all), but it's almost never funny to joke about rape, so let's just agree to move on.

2. Listen, when a roid-raging Lattimer throws you into a selfless position on a sofa chair, and he intends to forcefully have intercourse with you (presumably unprotected), well, you're out of options.

Except in this glorious scene, when the girl - who weighs half as much as a 7-year-old Chinese gymnast - manages to knock Lattimer off his feet and on his ass with what really can't be described as a kick - it was more of half-throttle leg extension!

What was James Caan thinking?

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/13/08

Craig Wears A Gayish Sweatshirt

That is a picture of Craig's hand and steering wheel, taken recently in Cleveland, Ohio.

Forget about the steering wheel and Cleveland part, and focus on the hand part. Did you know that certain men's sweatshirts were now being made with longer sleeves to allow a thumb hole? Me neither. But apparently they're popular. When Craig and I last recorded he was wearing this dumb thing, and I didn't notice it until maybe 45 minutes into our session. When I did notice it, though, I called him out immediately, and that became a three-minute podcast titled, "Trendy Clothing Annoys Me."

Here's the deal: Craig acts as if he doesn't care about a thing in the world. But I assure you, even if he was experiencing severe chest pain, he wouldn't hop in an ambulance until he was satisfied with his appearance. In fact, he wouldn't dial 911 until he was presentable. And if he couldn't get dolled up before his heart stopped...well, he'd rather die than let Jim the Paramedic pass judgement on his exterior.

Thems are the facts.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/13/08

Gambling 2K8: Part 40 (College Hoops Preview)

No Vickers tonight, but I did wager on the following basketball teams to cut down the nets in March:

$5 Arizona (75/1) - Chase Budinger and Jordan Hill will be first-rounders in the '09 draft, and if I'm not mistaken, at least one - and maybe all - of the hot shot freshmen weren't allowed to transfer out of the program. Factor in the shaky coaching situation and this could end up being one of those cute March Madness stories that develop every now and again.

$5 Davidson (40/1) - Guilty. What can I say...I love watching the guy play.

$20 Florida (22/1) - Nick Calathes is one of the few guys in college basketball I see as a potential All Star at the next level. Call me crazy, but I'm a fan of 6'6 point guards with A+ shooting and passing skills. If more than one of Florida's freshmen are ready for the big stage, this team could be dangerous.

$15 Georgetown (25/1) - DaJuan Summers might be one of the ten best players in the game come mid-season. Plus, John Thompson III's system is bulletproof.

$15 Gonzaga (30/1) - I can't speak to North Carolina's freshmen, but in terms of returning players, Gonzaga's rotation is every bit as talented as that of the Tar Heels - and I'll glady argue that with anyone who wants to feel stupid. So, from that standpoint, getting the Zags at 30/1 is a no-brainer. Unfortunately, this nucleus has never put it together and just seem soft.

$15 Kansas (25/1) - My favorite (and maybe the best) PG in the country, Sherron Collins, finally gets to run the show on his own, and Cole Aldrich is one of the few big men in the country who is actually fun to watch. If I could actually bet on such a thing, I would place a healthy amount of American dollars on Aldrich's stock rising higher than any player on the planet over the next five months. Did you watch the Kansas-North Carolina Final Four game last year? Aldrich didn't just hold his own against Tyler Hansbrough, or play him to a stalemate...he embarrassed him (8 pts, 7 reb, 4 blocks in 16 minutes). His length, athleticism, non-stop energy and shot-blocking prowess make him quite the prospect. And when you consider he only played a combined 24 minutes in the other five tourney games (with ten coming in a first-round blowout), and that he only was on the court against UNC because of foul trouble, it's shocking how well he played on the biggest stage. Anyway, the equation: Aldrich + Collins + hopeful emergence of a freshman or two = not a bad 25/1 shot.

$5 Kentucky (35/1) - Hoping Patty Patterson is fully recovered + hoping Jodie Meeks finally realizes potential + hoping for a miracle + I'm still on the Billy Gillespie bandwagon = you never know.

$5 Marquette (60/1) - If Dominic James somehow developed a decent jumper over the summer (highly unlikely), Marquette probably has the best all-around three-guard lineup in the nation, with James, Wes Matthews and stopper Jerel McNeal. Remember, guards win championships. If James is still a crappy shooter, however, Marquette has no chance.

$5 Oklahoma (35/1) - I'm not buying the "Blake Griffin 1st overall in '09 draft" hype just yet (although his size/athleticism combo is scary for a 19-20-year-old)...but let's say I'm wrong, and the scouts are right. Now the Sooners have the best player in the country (or at least the guy with the best upside), plus all the other top-notch talent fat-faced Jason Capel has accumulated in his short time in Norman. Not a terrible bet.

$20 Purdue (20/1) - Robbie Hummel just seems like the kind of player who will play in the Final Four before his career is over...and now seems like as good a time as any. Fact: Purdue is loaded - in as much as a team competing in the diluted talent pool of college basketball can actually be loaded. The Boilers have three really good guards, the Big Ten's best player in Hummel and a pencil-thin, 6'10 combo forward named JaJuan Johnson with all the ability in the world.

$20 Texas (20/1) - Rick Barnes will never win a title, so this is a waste of twenty dollars. But Damion James, AJ Abrams (as long as Barnes doesn't experiment with the Eddie House clone at point) and the supporting cast are plenty talented enough to make a run at it.

That is all for now. I'd give my sleeper picks and Final Four predictions, but I'd wind up boring myself. I look around the country and have a difficult time buying into North Carolina, UConn, Louisville or whoever. Am I missing something? What separates those three from the pack? And is there a single non-freshman (not counting Stephen Curry) who is undeniably great? I just don't see it.

Don't get me wrong, I still love college basketball, but not they way I did when I was 17. Sure, some of that has to do with maturity (or whatever), and the current state of the UC program hasn't helped (I watch every Cats game, but I'm out of the "examining the RPI every day" business), but the reality is this: The NBA has become a great night-in/night-out product over the past five seasons and it's hard for me to justify watching regular season college ball over NBA games unless (a.) the Bearcats are playing, which takes precedent over everything in my life, including breathing and blinking, (b.) it's an important game, like Memphis-Tennessee last year, (c.) Stephen Curry is playing, (d.) a Kevin Durant or Michael Beasley emerge, where I have to drop what I'm doing and analyze every step they take, (e.) I can't find the remote or (f.) Vickers gave me no choice.

That's it, that's the list. Otherwise I'm watching a relatively meaningless Grizzlies-Raptors game.
-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/12/08

I Gots The Truth, Boys And Girls

It's possible that you watched television or listened to the radio four weeks ago. It's also possible that on your television/radio you watched/heard various hosts calling out Jay Cutler for claiming he was better than John Elway.

This, of course, never happened. But don't bother telling every media outlet on Earth that.

All Cutler did was say that his arm was stronger than Elway's, which may actually be true (although unimportant).

Can every fatso at a longest drive competition hit the ball further than Tiger Woods?

Can Jason McElwain shoot more accurately than Jason Kidd from three-point range?

Can 15-year-olds everywhere throw harder than Jamie Moyer?

Obviously. But nobody is suggesting Big Lou McGee (or whoever) possesses even an ounce of Tiger's skill on the golf course.

So why were Cutler's harmless (and possibly true) words a topic on PTI on more than one occasion? Why did Mike and Mike devote nearly a full segment to essentially telling Jay Cutler to shutup? More importantly, why did the mainstream media run with the story and blow it out of proportion? Did you, the listener, stay glued to your radio while this discussion was taking place? Wasn't this message board fodder and nothing else? Questions, man. Questions.

This was just another example of broadcast journalism forcing me to rip my hair out. It's also the topic of our latest podcast, "Two White Guys Settle The Jay Cutler-John Elway Nonsense." Enjoy.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/12/08

Where's Katsopolis And Gladstone When You Need Them?

Possible understatement: I enjoy viewing televised sporting events. I spend my Saturdays wagering on seemingly every college game. My Sundays are used to watch upwards of 13 NFL games on Sunday Ticket, and my weeknights are wasted flipping back and forth between as many as ten NBA games on League Pass. I'm a junkie. Thems facts might make me pathetic and all, but at least I'm honest. And single! Anyway, I have a list of people I want dead, and they all work for a rather large automaker.

Perhaps you've heard of Toyota, who I'm guessing has an advertising budget of around $80 trillion.

I watch pieces of maybe 75 games a week, and I swear to everything holy that Toyota leads off every goddamn break with that "Saved By Zero" commercial, which has to be the most annoying commercial in the history of commercials. Am I wrong? Anyway, after 7,112 viewings, I've finally reached my breaking point. And if you're not there yet, here's your chance:

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/11/08

Gambling 2K8: XXXIX (Vickers Remains In Shock)

After last week's abortion, Vickers marches on. Two picks for Tuesday...

Charlotte Bobcats of the NBA (+2.5) vs. Denver Nuggets of the NBA

Briefness of words: Denver playing well with Chauncey Billups; Charlotte as lousy as ever. I'm not really sure why Vegas doesn't have this sucker at six.

Miami Redskins of Ohio, America (+18) vs. David Letterman

Words of briefness: Miami might be worse than Washington State. Nate Davis is a really good passer of the football.

Vickers record: 55-52-1

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/11/08

Depression Is No Laughing Matter

I'm legitimately depressed. The Vickers System followed up a horrendous Saturday with a horrendous'r Sunday, and is now a bad week away from being nothing but a cute experiment. Which better explains the photo of a 22-year-old Nick Van Exel. You see, I'm trying every trick in the book to remain positive and forget about this weekend's nightmare. The equation goes something like this: Picture of youthful Nick Van Exel = happiness. Understand?

And just for grins, how bouts video of the soon-to-be legendary Dwight/Andy duel from a recent episode of The Office?

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/09/08

Gambling 2K8: XXXVIII (Murder Me With A Gun Or Knife)

Not to overreact or anything, but I want to die.

Also, I'm still drunk.

Also, you haven't heard much about Pontius Pilate lately.

Anyway, the Brian Vickers System experienced devastating devastatingness Saturday, and I feel as if we'll never recover. I spoke to Craig about thirteen times last night, and every conversation ended the same way: "Vickers is a fraud. (click...)"

Confidence is low. But it wasn't always this way.

As Alabama lined up for a game-winning field goal at the end of regulation, Craig and I were rejoicing, for our college football record was a sparkling 5-1, with four American contests remaining.

And then a Frenchman blocked the field goal. And then LSU QB Jarrett Lee sucked so bad that he got picked in overtime (his fourth of the game!) And then, well...sometimes you just know. There was no way Nick Saban was going to allow his lousy kicker to decide the outcome against his old school. And then Bama scored a six-pointer. And then I slammed my water bottle. And then I used several swear words. And then my roommate thought I was going to burn his nice house down.

And then I got drunk.

And then we lost the rest of our games.

We finished at 4-6, and unless we win all three of our NFL matches, we're looking at at our second losing weekend of the year. Sounds impressive, I know, but trust me...I want my heart to stop.

The picks...

The Fighting Rex Grossmans (+3) vs. Titans

Words: I guess going 8-0 is only good enough to make you a three-point favorite over a team who happens to be starting a fat-faced backup quarterback. Sweet!

Raiders (+9.5) vs. Panthers

Words: The Panthers held Drew Brees and Co. to seven American football points. Seven. This is because Carolina is good at playing defense. In related news, JaMarcus Russell probably hasn't gotten better since last Sunday, when he led a zero-point effort against the menacing Falcons of Atlanta, Georgia.

Chargers (-14.5) vs. Tyler Thigpen's Awesomeness

Words: I didn't realize the 3-5 Chargers were more-than-two touchdowns better than anybody. I'd like to take this moment to thank Vegas for pointing this out to me.

Season record: 55-49-1

Like I said, I'd like to stop breathing. However, I find solace in singing The Hogan Family theme, one of the great songs of the past thirty-five years.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/8/08

Gambling 2K8: XXXVII (College Picks Only)

Utah is two wins away from delivering me a perfect season. Next week, they play the pathetic Aztecs from San Diego State University...that's a win. After that, home against BYU in the Holy War. Thems being the facts, how excited do you think this guy will be watching that game in Vegas? Anyway, the picks...

Nevada (-1.5) at Frestucky

Words: I'll give you six bucks if you can explain this pointspread to me. I hate anointing locks, but Jesus, this thing makes no sense. Nevada's record is 4-4, and while Fresno's been disappointing, they're still 5-3 - with three three-point losses - and oh, by the way...the game is in the freaking Valley? Why is Fresno the dog tonight?

Western Michigan (+7.5) at Illinois

Words: Is that the going rate for the third best team in a decent Mid-American Conference? Really? Do I have to bust out the man-for-man game again to point out the overwhelming talent disparity?

Vandy (+24) vs. Florida

Words: If Vandy covers, it's because they scored at least 28 points. I'm hoping Vickers knows something we don't, because there's no effing way the Gators are staying under 50 - have you seen the Tebow/Harvin Show lately? Unstoppable. I just pray they can meet up with Oklahoma in postseason play.

Iowa (+7.5) vs. Joe Paterno is going to die in the next five years.

Words: I don't know what else the Nits have to do to prove their worth to Vegas, and I don't know why I have to keep paying for it.

LSU (+3.5) vs. Nick Saban's stupid face

Words: Like Penn State and the Boise Murdering Murderers, Alabama has been undervalued all year by Vegas. I ain't sure why, and it's costing me money, but the Brian Vickers System won't allow us to avoid this game, which should have a 7.5-10 pointspread.

(Dear Vegas,

Get this through your thick skull: Alabama, Penn State and Boise are really good.

-Brad)

UCLA (+7.5) vs. Oregon State

Words: Talk about another team who's better than they're given credit for. Oregon State opened the season with a road loss to Stanford and a mouth-raping in Happy Valley. Since then, they've been great, and the win over USC proves they're not fugazzi.

West Virginia (-6.5) vs. Cincinnati

Words: There's not much to say here - Craig and I expect a tight game and we were confused when the 'Neers opened as an 8.5-point favorite.

San Jose State (-7) vs. Louisiana Tech

Words: SJSU struggles to score and they barely held off a lousy Idaho team last week...so why are they favored by more a TD over a team that just took down Fresno?

Last week: 7-3
Overall Vickers record: 53-44-1

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/7/08

I Had A Paula Abdul Poster In 1990

Here are five questions that may or may not be answered in our latest podcast, "I had a Paula Abdul Poster In 1990."

1. Why wasn't attractiveness a requirement for pop stars of the 80's and early-90's?

2. Did you have Paula Abdul's Forever Your Girl tape?

3. How about Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814?

4. Did you have a Paula Abdul poster on your wall?

5. Did you have racist friends who claimed Paula Abdul wasn't black just so they could admit to being attracted to her?

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/7/08

Heady White Guy Making Heady White Guy Plays

This one goes out to my buddy Al, who used to do crap like this all the time in the backyard.

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/6/08

Gambling 2K8: XXXVI (Faith In Vickers)

Before the start of the college football season I placed a handful of American dollars - at 40/1 odds - on Utah winning all twelve of their regular season games. Roughly seven hours before their tenth game, the Utes remain undefeated. One would think I'm thrilled about the potential to rake in the dough - especially with a Vegas trip coming at the end of the month. Ehhh...not so much. This is because Vickers has gotten in the way with my rooting interest.

Tonight, we gots TCU (-1.5) at Utah.

Words: Typically Craig and I wager on the team we feel has little chance to cover the spread, and it's been working at a better-than-55% clip through almost 100 games. But tonight is a little different. You see, I think TCU is the better team. I think their defensive line is too quick for Utah, just as they were too quick for BYU. I've seen both teams play more than once, and I really feel TCU is the superior group.

So where does Vickers come into play?

Remember, this whole thing started with fishy pointspreads, and what Vegas was telling us. And when No. 8 Utah is getting points at home to another non-BCS school, well, I think Vegas is begging you to take Utah, for they'd like to build another casino.

For the second time in the Vickers era, I'm pulling for my heart over my head. And if TCU wins by a point, I'm throwing the neighbor kid down the sewer.

(By the way, how goddamn wonderful are giraffes? I've been Google image searching "giraffes," "giraffe sex," "giraffe fight" and "giraffes drinking water" for the past half hour and I can't stop laughing at the results. I've never understodd how anyone can claim to like any animal more than a giraffe. Giraffes are the best animals on Earth, plain and simple. I mean, how great would it be to have a flock - or gaggle, or whatever - of those idiots in your backyard? I want you to know that I've never been more serious in my life.)

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/6/08

Gambling 2K8: XXXV (Hell Is Noisy Old Folks)

(Picture of my life being ruined by Angela Lansbury fans)

Forget burning books...let's burn libraries!

Remember when the library was the place to go for (a.) quiet time and (b.) masturbating?

Let me tell you, those days are long over. As I sit here at the Monfort Heights Library - trying to update this very decent website and whatnot - about 22 elderly idiots are playing Wii bowling on a projection screen and applauding every single roll of the ball. That includes gutterballs and balls that don't even make it to the end of the lane. It's almost as if they're proclaiming, "Who cares if you didn't knock down any pins, none of us have died in the past eight minutes!"

Anyway, I'm an adult living with attention deficit disorder. Ordinarily this is no big deal. However, I'm also a mindless dope who happened to forget his prescription medicine at home. So, it's probably not too difficult to imagine how much I want to strangle this room full of unsuccessful bowlers.

At least I have gambling to keep me sane. NBA picks, anyone?

Thunder (+9) vs. Celtics

Words: Boston hasn't let up one bit since cutting down the nets back in June. They've gotten older and lost James Posey, but they haven't let up. Kevin Garnett still has them playing hard and Paul Pierce looks like a guy who wants another ring. Hands down, the C's are the best team in the East and I really don't see anyone on their heels. The Thunder? Kevin Durant is looking like a superstar, Jeff Green is going to be a great jack-of-all-trades player and '08 1st rounder Russell Westbrook is a keeper. But that's about it. The rest of their roster is filled with dime-a-dozen guys (read: Collison, Nick and Smith, Joe).

Being that Boston (a.) hasn't gotten fat and happy and (b.) were great last year on the second night of back-to-backs (as is the case tonight), I'm not really sure why the line is single digits. Wish us luck!

Pacers (+3.5) vs. Suns

Words: As someone who saw Phoenix drifting into irrelevance, let me drop the Lee Corso treatment on my own head...Not so fast, my friend! At least for now. I can't see the Suns contending, but Shaq looks lighter on his feet, Nash is still healthy, the Matt Barnes pick-up was brilliant and of course, Amare Stoudemire is roughly twenty times better than any big man on Indiana's roster. And while the Nash-era Suns have never been loaded with depth, I'll take Leandro Barbosa and Boris Diaw over anyone on the Pacers' bench. I am not happy (unhappy) about this particular wager.

Season record: 53-41-1

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/5/08

Gambling 2K8: XXXIV (Every Night Is A Vickers Night)

(A picture of a photograph)

NCAA Football...

Buffalo (-9) vs. Miami Redskins of Oxford, Ohio

Explanation: I don't care how bad Miami is, Buffalo shouldn't be ten-point favorites on anyone. At least that's what we think. The Bulls have a solid record (for them) at 4-4, but could easily finish 4-8. I just don't understand why I have to lay so many points tonight on a team with a QB named Drew Willy.

NBA...

Nets (+7) vs. Suns

Explanation: When this line opened at 4.5 I called Craig to tell him the great news. The fact that the betting public heavily backed Phoenix and pushed this sucker to 7 only makes me feel better about my place in the world. I hate this wager (Phoenix good, Jersey not). But I love this wager (Vickers never fails).

Season record: 52-40-1

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/4/08

Quick Reminder: Avoid Radio On Tuesday

(Picture of Alan Cutler's big dumb mustache attached to his big dumb head)

Without fail, Election Day always makes for lame sports talk radio. It's gimmicky and unoriginal and it makes me want to blow the brains out of the back of my skull.

Every host, and not just the lousy guys, will have a topic along the lines of, "Who would you nominate for your sports President/Governor/Alderman?"

It's annoying, recycled crap, and if you're in the mood for an awful listening experience, turn on your radio Tuesday.

Consider yourself warned.

And I'm taking side bets, too: I'll give anyone 15-1 odds on Lance McAlister not having an Election Day theme. Email me after his show and tell me if I won.

(Unrelated note: Individualness. That the word Cris Carter used to describe some football player on some football team over the weekend. Can I get a hooray for ESPN!)

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/03/08

Cedric Benson Won't Make Me Forget...

(Picture of Mike Brown and Marvin Lewis eating Klondike Bars, or something)

Listen, Cedric Benson might be the answer for the Bengals running back situation going forward. I wouldn't bet my life on it, but you never know. I never was high on him at Texas, but he was a consensus top ten pick coming out - so he's not without talent. Anyway, just because the Bengals may have landed a gem doesn't mean they should be absolved for their unforgivable mistake this spring.

At the time of the 2008 NFL draft the Bengals had big holes in three areas: pass rush, which everybody needs, offensive line and the running game. Rudi Johnson was dead (and had been for two years); Kenny Watson had never once been an above average ball carrier (and he wasn't exactly young); Chris Perry redefined unreliable; De De Dorsey...do I need to keep going? The Bengals were desperate at running back and neglected the position entirely in what will almost certainly go down as the greatest running back draft of all time.

The reason I bring this to your attention?

Because rookies Matt Forte (2nd round), Ray Rice (2nd), Jamaal Charles (3rd) and Tim Hightower (5th) all rushed for over 100 yards Sunday. (And 5th rounder Ryan Torain is looking like the starter in Denver for the rest of the season.)

What did the Bengals do in the offseason to improve their pathetic backfield? They brought in an undrafted midget from Kansas State and flirted with Shaun Alexander's corpse for a weekend! That's it...that's the list. Yee-haw!

I keep telling myself I don't care...

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/3/08

Gambling 2K8: XXXIII (Elton Brand Loses His Virginity)

(The dumb library won't allow me to upload a picture. I'm upset about this. I don't think they want my Internet website to succeed. Because of this nonsense, I will now start talking on my cellular device...and not in my indoor voice. Zing! Take that, dumb library!)

Anyway...

Vickers has a place for basketball. I needed you to know that.

In case you forgot, the Brian Vickers System was inspired by basketball before it was inspired by some redneck car racer. Now, I realize publicly picking games against the spread works better for football, obviously, because the great majority of games are played on Saturday and Sunday. But that doesn't mean Craig and I aren't going to throw our hard-earned American dollars on a professional hoops match when the line seems somewhat strange. We're trying to make money, you know? Anyway, after a week of privately testing the system (4 wins and a loss, of course) we're taking this sucker to the street. Tonight!

Horny?

76ers (-11.5) vs. Kings

Explanation: Aside from Kevin Martin - who is still underrated, somehow - the Kings are pretty terrible. But they're still professional athletes, right? I mean, it's not like a college football game featuring the Boise State Murderers and some dickhead team from the WAC, where Vegas can't set the line high enough. Nope, this is a bad team (Sacto) taking on one who's merely a little better than okay, and therein lies the problem. My problem. The Sixers shouldn't be double-digit favorites on anyone; lines like that are reserved for really good teams. I hate this bet, but I have to take it.

Overall record: 51-40-1

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/3/08

Gambling 2K8: XXXII (Sunday Night Spectacular)

Craig and I decide on 95 percent (or more) of our Vickers picks on Monday morning. The remaining five percent almost always comes from (a.) games we missed, for whatever reason and (2.) games with unposted early lines - which is the case tonight.

Indianapolis played last Monday, and Vegas waited a day to post the line. Since are minds were already made up for the upcoming weekend, we failed to recognize a pointspread that feels about three points off.

We gots the Colts (-6.5) over the Patriots tonight, and they had better triumph by more than a touchdown, or else I'm headed to Vegas to homicide the genius who felt like the Colts are more than a touchdown better than anyone, much less the feisty 5-2 Pats.

Facts: The Colts have lucky wins against (1.) Minnesota and (2.) Houston, not to mention home losses to (3.) Jacksonville and (4.) Chicago and a one-sided abortion last week in (5.) Nashville, against Tennessee's Titans of the AFC South...not to mention (6.) significant injuries up and down the roster.

That being the case, how in the hell are they still getting so much respect from Las Vegas (a city in Nevada)?

Week 9 NFL record: 2-1
Overall Vickers record: 51-39-1

-Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/2/08

Gambling 2K8: XXXI (The Dominance Continues...)

(space generally occupied by mildly amusing photograph)

When are you idiots going to listen? The Brian Vickers System produced another great day on Saturday, and Craig and I still have to listen to doubters (or haters, or whatever the kids are saying these days).

Anyway, the NFL picks...

Bengals (+7.5) vs. Jaguars

Explanation: I think the Bengals have a legitimate chance of a winless season. Plus, I took Jacksonville in both of my suicide pools. I have no faith in this selection, and I'm not really sure why the Jags aren't favored by ten or more.

Vikings (-4.5) vs. Texans

Explanation: The Vikes' pass D has been a disaster, and the Matt Schaub/Andre Johnson combo is unstoppable (can't be stopped). And Houston is still fighting like crazy to dig out of their early-season hole. Based on the way they have looked over the past three weeks I'm not so sure the Texans aren't one of the top eight teams in football. Minnesota should be favored by two...and definitely not more than a field goal.

Raiders (+3) vs, Falcons

Explanation: Plain and simple, there's no friggin' way I don't bet the farm on Atlanta in my former life. This line looks too good.

Yesterday: 7-3
Season record: 49-38-1

Brad Spieser (Brad@TwinKilling.com)
11/2/08