Sunday, November 9, 2008

Gambling 2K8: XXXVIII (Murder Me With A Gun Or Knife)

Not to overreact or anything, but I want to die.

Also, I'm still drunk.

Also, you haven't heard much about Pontius Pilate lately.

Anyway, the Brian Vickers System experienced devastating devastatingness Saturday, and I feel as if we'll never recover. I spoke to Craig about thirteen times last night, and every conversation ended the same way: "Vickers is a fraud. (click...)"

Confidence is low. But it wasn't always this way.

As Alabama lined up for a game-winning field goal at the end of regulation, Craig and I were rejoicing, for our college football record was a sparkling 5-1, with four American contests remaining.

And then a Frenchman blocked the field goal. And then LSU QB Jarrett Lee sucked so bad that he got picked in overtime (his fourth of the game!) And then, well...sometimes you just know. There was no way Nick Saban was going to allow his lousy kicker to decide the outcome against his old school. And then Bama scored a six-pointer. And then I slammed my water bottle. And then I used several swear words. And then my roommate thought I was going to burn his nice house down.

And then I got drunk.

And then we lost the rest of our games.

We finished at 4-6, and unless we win all three of our NFL matches, we're looking at at our second losing weekend of the year. Sounds impressive, I know, but trust me...I want my heart to stop.

The picks...

The Fighting Rex Grossmans (+3) vs. Titans

Words: I guess going 8-0 is only good enough to make you a three-point favorite over a team who happens to be starting a fat-faced backup quarterback. Sweet!

Raiders (+9.5) vs. Panthers

Words: The Panthers held Drew Brees and Co. to seven American football points. Seven. This is because Carolina is good at playing defense. In related news, JaMarcus Russell probably hasn't gotten better since last Sunday, when he led a zero-point effort against the menacing Falcons of Atlanta, Georgia.

Chargers (-14.5) vs. Tyler Thigpen's Awesomeness

Words: I didn't realize the 3-5 Chargers were more-than-two touchdowns better than anybody. I'd like to take this moment to thank Vegas for pointing this out to me.

Season record: 55-49-1

Like I said, I'd like to stop breathing. However, I find solace in singing The Hogan Family theme, one of the great songs of the past thirty-five years.

-Brad Spieser (