Monday, September 29, 2008

Gambling 2K8: Part Fourteen (Are You A Believer?)

"Yoga changes your life."

How many times have you heard some idiot say that? About a million, right? Or maybe none, but it certainly seems like something a yoga freak would say. Regardless, I'm guessing yoga does change your life for the better, although the one person I (kind of) know who does yoga is a mean-faced redhead lady who drives a 20-year-old minivan - so draw your own conclusions. Anyway, yoga seems to have a profound effect on the mental health of all the weirdos who give it a try. And I bring this up because I'm not exactly the poster boy for mental health.

Until now.

I've found my yoga, and it's called the Brian Vickers System. It would be impossible to express how much I'm not joking. Plain and simple: The Vickers System has changed my life. Craig and I are 21-10-1 against the spread, and I have no reason to believe we won't continue on a similar pace for the rest of our lives.

Chew on this: We fearlessly wagered on Buffalo, Akron and Duke (among others) on Saturday...and they all covered. Buffalo, Akron and Duke! We also bet against the Mighty Trojans of USC, not to mention Joe Flacco's Ravens (for the second straight week) and Kyle Orton's Bears. We won 'em all. If you told any one of my previous nine bookies such nonsense, he would punch you in the nose for wasting his time with ridiculous lies. Again, I'm not joking.

And listen, it would be one thing if we were simply giving out random picks with nothing but pride at stake, but that ain't the case - Craig and I are winning buckets full (that's figuratively, Jeff Brantley) of American currency each week and threatening to bring down (an Internet website) in the process.

Fact: Winning money is decidedly better than terrible.

Also, in case you were wondering how Craig and I determine our picks for the week...

It doesn't take long, honestly. We check the point-spreads separately on Monday morning, one of us calls the other from his cellular device, and we see how many matches we have. I usually see about ten or twelve games where the Vickers System applies, while Craig is typically sitting on six or seven. Without fail, we have a bunch of matches. We cross a few out, and maybe add one that didn't immediately catch our eye, but our initial list determines where our money goes (despite mid-week line changes that suggest our impending wager is probably stupid). That's about it for our Monday morning conversations. We spend a few minutes finalizing things and the rest is spent saying things like, "I know Buffalo has no chance of keeping it within 50 points on Missouri, but we have to take 'em."

God Bless the Brian Vickers System.

God Bless Brian Vickers (pictured above, or so says Google. I wouldn't know).

-Brad Spieser (