Thursday, September 4, 2008

The Most Boring Football Game In The History Of Football Games

Breaking News! Breaking News!

Marvin Lewis might not be the worst head coach in the NFL - that spot is reserved for the Redskins' Jim Zorn, who should probably retire before breakfast. At least that way he can tell his nieces and nephews he finished his career one game under .500, which kinda sounds okay.

Did you watch that abortion? Christ! Down 9...under six minutes remaining...buried in their own territory...and Clinton Portis runs the ball directly up the middle for two yards...for the 18th straight play...and thirty more seconds come off the clock...and Portis is given the ball the following play...and Redskins fans swallow a shotgun.

Anyway, what was Jim Zorn thinking? Where was the sense of urgency? He knows it's no longer preseason, right? How long does he expect Portis to last with that unimaginative play selection? That was brutal.

But seriously, this reminds me of the original Tecmo Bowl. You remember Tecmo Bowl, right? Of course you do - Cap Boso was one of the five best players in the game, and the playbook consisted of four plays. Tecmo Bowl is a lot of things, but realistic isn't one of them.

Or so I thought.

I didn't think it was possible, but Zorn just validated the makers of Tecmo Bowl by running only three plays against the Giants. In case you missed it, here's a brief description of said plays: (1.) Portis up the middle for two yards, (2.) three-yard pass to either Santana Moss or Antwan Randle El on 3rd & 8 and (3.) hopeless heave down the sideline to James Thrash (who is pulling a paycheck despite being lousy for the eighth straight year).

Dear Jim Zorn,

A blogger in southwest Ohio is of the belief that you are worser (and maybe even terribler) than Marvin Lewis. This is not something you want to tell your nieces and nephews.

Good Luck!

-Brad Spieser (