Thursday, September 11, 2008

Ape Attacks And Escaping The Grasp Of The Law

You saw the story of the ape attacking a civilian in the parking lot of the Cincinnati Zoo, right? Well, did you see what the guy received for being chewed on by a wild animal in an environment he was supposed to be safe? If not, you might want to sit down. Here goes: A guy who was beaten up by an ape at the freaking zoo was given a free one day pass - that's it. Without giving anything away, Craig and I discuss--among other things--how we would've handled the situation of Man vs. Ape, on our podcast, ape attacks will always be funny.

Other stuffs heard on the podcast:

1. The tail end of a story I told Craig about getting pulled over for speeding three times in six days...and being smooth enough to get out of all of them (and no, I won't publicly reveal my method of sweet-talk). Anyway, I didn't use the whole thing (or any of it, really) on the podcast because it was dragging along and the story wasn't nearly as interesting on the air as it was in my head - even though I was frisked and given a breathalyzer by some hardass cops in Versailles, Indiana. But, I still got out of all three, and there's no way something of that magnitude will ever go unmentioned. It's a watershed moment, as far as I'm concerned. Anyone have similar experiences getting out of tickets? Email me your story and maybe I'll reveal my secrets.

2. Also, you can find out one of the few things that truly make me feel like a boy of semi-high intelligence. (I'll give you a hint: It involves mid-90's tight ends.)

That's all for now, boys and girls. I'd like to unleash my Ohio State-USC thoughts before sundown (Chris Wells' status is now doubtful, which may actually be a good thing), and of course, week three NCAA Vickers picks (our record stands at 5-4, which is more than respectable). Stay tuned. I'm hopped up on Adderall and Welch's white grape peach juice (a delightful treat), so this could make for a productive three hours or so.

-Brad Spieser (
9/11/08 (the 7th anniversary of when Mom told me to get Dad's shotgun, just in case)