Newport Harbor: Don't Believe the Hype

Goddamn teenagers...you never know what to expect from them.

Last week on MTV's Newport Harbor, the word "like" was incorrectly used a staggering 108 times in 22 minutes. This time around, the number only reached 72.

Even worse than the number falling 36 "likes" short of the world record, was the blistering pace it set at the beginning of the episode. Only six minutes into the show, and well before its first commercial break, the characters (thanks mainly to a teenaged kook named Allie) had already used my new favorite word...you might want to brace yourself...I mean, sit down if you're standing up...

FORTY

FIVE

FREAKING

TIMES! (exclamation point)

In six minutes! (exclamation point)

I was disappointed when my brother ruined the secret regarding Santa Claus (after all, I was just seven), but nothing will ever top this. I talked it up to the point where I needed a record. I needed these dopes to go for the glory, a five-homer game, but they settled for a 2-4, 2 RBI performance. The season finale for NH is next Wednesday, and I need to let these privelaged idiots know...good isn't good enough. Go for the gold, dammit!

-Brad Spieser
9/27/07