Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Hi, Hello and Brantley (Again)

I was driving an automobile for seventeen hours Tuesday; suicide was pondered on more than one occasion. And then the Reds game started. Which means three hours of Marty Brennaman to pass the time. Plus, Volquez was pitching. Suicide can wait. But maybe not. I somehow forgot: Jeff Brantley's play-by-play is unlistenable.

The Mississippi Wordsmith was at it again Tuesday while breaking down Dave Bush's pitching style:

"...Bush with a slow deliberate delivery..."

What? Slow deliberate? Is he just guessing what deliberate means because he heard Marty use the word at one point or another?

That'd be like me, as a high-paid member of the media, saying the following sentences:

Chad Johnson is a fast speedy wide receiver.

Jeremi Johnson is a fat heavy mammal.

Vin Baker is a parched thirsty individual

John Amaechi is a gay homosexual man.

Nick Van Exel was a great wonderful basketball player.

Corey Patterson is a lousy terrible awful worthless horrible pathetic professional athlete (which is, in Patterson's case, grammatically correct on the Westside of Cincinnati).

Do I need to continue?

Listen, I'll stop banging on Brantley's shoddy grasp of the English language when it's no longer his job to speak for a living. The end.

-Brad Spieser (