Monday, April 13, 2009

Watching Armageddon, Pulling My Hair Out

Three undeniables:

1. It rained in my front yard this morning.

2. My middle name is Alan.

3. Armageddon is a great film.

Here me out.

In the same way you might love Point Break or Road House or Anaconda, I love Armageddon. It mixes in relentless star power with occasional moments of legitimate comedy. And don't forget the ridiculous. Much like Point Break and Road House and Anaconda, Armageddon brings the ridiculous.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, No shit Armageddon is ridiculous. It's about oil drillers saving the world in space, buddy!

And I can't argue that. But I have for you a part in the 1998 blockbuster that is equally as improbable and twice as maddening as oil drillers (or whatever they're called) saving the world in space.

(By the way, I'm writing this under the assumption that -- just like every other normal human being -- you've seen Armageddon somewhere in the neighborhood of 226 times.)


Approximately 24-36 hours after Bruce Willis fired Ben Affleck while on a oil rig in the south pacific, Affleck started an oil drilling company (or whatever they're called) of his own, complete with a working rig (or whatever), dozens of employees, two signs promoting "A.J. Frost Oil" and, of course, oil shooting out of the Earth. I'd like to say this doesn't really drive me nuts, but then I'd be a lying liar.

I realize the movie industry asks us to suspend belief with pictures such as Armageddon, but this is simply too much for me to handle. Watch the video below and tell me if I have a right to be outraged (and don't bother reminding me of my pathetic life):

-Brad Spieser (