Friday, March 6, 2009

Bearcat Basketball and Bengals Football (Sports!)

(SITE UPDATE: New podcast posted. Me wants to drink Miller High Lives. Me doesn't want to preview the newest podcast.)

I briefly glanced at the television last night, and it was showing the cable network called ESPN. And on this ESPN was a basketball contest between the Providence College Shamgods and the Villanova Fighting Eric Eberz's, and anyway, I happened to notice a projected Big East tournament bracket. Among the things that caught this guy's (pointing at myself) attention:

First round: Cincinnati vs. Depaul...winner gets the aforementioned Providence Shamgods...with the winner likely facing UConnecticut.

Ladies and gentlemen, sign me up. I still kinda think the Bearcats stink, but to have a cakewalk (relatively speaking) first rounder against the Blue Demons, followed by a beatable Providence squad, to essentially playing UConn in a win-and-you're-in set-up...I couldn't ask for anything better. Especially considering the egg they laid down in Tampa.

Now, I give them very little chance of pulling this off -- maybe 10 percent -- but hey, it's something.

End of Bearcat words.

***Bengals matters***

Forget for a second how much I hated the Lavernues Coles signing and focus on how I'm sick of Marvin Lewis treating Bengals fans like incompetent morons. Listen up, buddy: We can read. And thanks to the Internet we have access to much of the same statistics as you. Jerk off!

Here's a portion of the head coach's comment about the recently acquired wideout: "If you look at his yards per catch, his average is very high and that's where we needed to improve."

To that I say...REALLY! It was 2003 the last time Coles had a noteworthy YPC (see for yourself). In the five seasons that followed, Coles averaged 10.6, 11.6, 12.1, 11.7 and 12.1 yards-per-catch. It's not awful, but it's certainly nothing to brag about. I did a little digging (sounds impressive, doesn't it?) and discovered that Coles hasn't finished higher than 58th in the YPC category over the past five years.

And let's not forget he's never had more than seven TDs in any one season.

And now he's a Bengal.

And he'll be 35 when his contract expires.

His contract, by the way, will pay him $7 million per year.

! (Exclamation Point!)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Several Exclamation Points!)

What the hell are the Bengals thinking? If they were going to over-pay a free agent, why not one who plays a position of need. Does a Matt Birk or a Jeff Saturday ring a bell?

To recap...

1. Marvin Lewis is a liar. And a jerk off.

2. Mike Brown doesn't have a goddamn clue.

But we already knew that.

Question: Why do I still care?

-Brad Spieser (


Daniel Phillips said...

i can't imagine that being true about everyone just getting it on when there is a power outage. I mean i've been through two massive hurricanes in my short lifetime and those couple of months are pure hell. It's like a vacation when you evacuate and then you come home to nothing but a crappy situation. Just thinking about it makes me want to take shower right now. But there are alot of disgusting people out there who probably don't care about hygiene, so maybe it is true.